Collapse

Title: Collapse
Pairing: 2dragon (Sehyuk x Sangdo)
Warning: Smut
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sehyuk comes home after spending four nights in a hospital and Sangdo promises to take care of him.
Word Count: ~2.500 words
[Collapse]

It’s two in the morning when the door cracks open, followed by hurried footsteps and a noisy breathing. Raising his eyes from his cell phone, Sangdo peers at the figure and sighs, getting up.


“You can turn the lights on, Sehyuk. The boys are sleeping.” Sangdo says in a low, though clear voice, and soon enough the living room is bright, allowing him to see his boyfriend standing right in front of the window, carrying a bag with his clothes in his hand.


Slowly, Sangdo walks to him, staring at him and not bothering when Sehyuk breaks their eye contact. He reaches for his hand, feeling how cold it is, how rigid his skin is. As he analyzes his face, he realizes the signs of exhaustion, the dark circles that can’t be erased with makeup, the pale coloration of his cheeks. Bringing his palm closer to his face, he notices the purple mark on the back of it, and he kisses it gently, tenderly.


“It’s the third time in a month, Sehyuk.” His tone is soft rather than scolding, and Sehyuk curses silently at himself for preoccupying him. “Hansol cried all night because he’s afraid of what might happen to you.”


“Nothing is going to happen.” Sehyuk assures him, leaning into the touch and suddenly he feels a bit lighter; Sangdo has this power of making things get better in an instant, as though he snaps his fingers and magically fix all his problems.


“You collapsed in practice. You wouldn’t wake up.” He points out, absently running his thumb over his bony cheeks. “Byungjoo and Jiho had to carry you to the hospital. Isn’t that bad enough, love?”


“I… It’s just complicated.” He breathes out, relaxing under his touch. At that moment, he doesn’t feel as if he’s spent the last three days in a hospital, with an IV in his arm, trying to recover from his breakdown.


“You need to rest, to eat and to drink water properly. It’s actually simple.” Sangdo speaks, tracing his jawline with his fingertips. “I’m not mad at you for not taking care of yourself. I’m mad because you didn’t trust me to do so.”


Raising an eyebrow, Sehyuk finally gazes at him, and he’s a bit surprised when he doesn’t see the look of betrayal he was expecting to find; Sangdo is smiling delicately, mothering Sehyuk, even though he is his hyung.


“Promise me you will let me help. I don’t want to be woken up because you pass out again.”


It seems like an easy promise, indeed, but Sehyuk fidgets awkwardly as he thinks about it. He doesn’t like worrying his boyfriend, and he actually ended up scaring all his members to death. He knows how sensitive Hansol is and after being taken to the hospital for three times in a row, it’s natural that they would think that something serious was happening to him. As the leader, Sehyuk has several responsibilities, has to carry on his shoulders all the weight of a whole group, of their success, twelve boys depending on him; and yet, he can’t even take care of himself right.


“I… I am sorry.” He mutters, gripping his free hand and squeezing it. “I promise I will let you help me. I can’t do it by myself.”


“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with it, okay? We are a team.” Sangdo says, he knows Sehyuk uses to think of himself as a weak man. When Sehyuk nods in agreement, he smiles satisfied and pulls him to their room, turning the lights off and lying down on the bed. Carefully, Sangdo wraps his arms around Sehyuk, keeping him close. “Do you know how scared I was? Don’t you do that to me again.”


Turning around and facing him, Sehyuk hums in answer, searching for his lips. He kisses him desperately, after being away from him for four nights he feels needy and he’s missed him so much. His tongue feels cold against his own but he pays no mind, loving how welcoming his mouth feels, how their lips match perfectly to each other.


Usually, Sangdo takes a long time to move on, but today he feels especially aroused when Sehyuk plays with his lower lip. The smaller is teasing him, apologizing in his own way and wanting to make up to him. Sehyuk is on top of him now, peppering kisses over his face and his jaw, going down to his neck and dragging his wet lips over his throat. It’s enough to get a hoarse groan from Sangdo and that noise turns Sehyuk on; he needs to hear more of it and he sucks all over his neck, being careful not to leave a mark, but harsh enough to momentarily bruise it.


The room gets too hot and even the mild breeze annoys him, so Sehyuk reaches for the hem of his own shirt, taking it off, kissing the taller man as he does the same. He runs his fingers over his chest, and he loves how he is tanned, as if the sun has kissed his body. His mouth is claimed once again and this time Sangdo tangles his hand in his hair, moving around so he’s on top now, and he starts spreading open mouthed kisses over his collarbones.


“I’m going to feed you and force you to eat more than Hansol.” Sangdo whispers as he notices how thin he is and Sehyuk chuckles graciously, nodding. His eyes are closed as Sangdo explores his torso, his tongue dangerously close to his nipples and he can’t help a moan when he sucks the pink nub. Sehyuk already can feel his stomach growling in anxiety and his pants getting too tight for him, but he decides to ignore it and make the moment last longer. Moments like these are becoming rarer and they have to enjoy every single opportunity they have.


The taller man takes his time teasing him before he finally moves his lips to his abdomen, allowing his tongue to slide over it. He doesn’t waste time as he fumbles with his pants, undoing them and pulling them down. Sehyuk buries his fingers in his hair and pulls it, bringing him closer and begging for his swollen lips; he kisses him as he takes his underwear down, not minding at all that he is naked and exposed.


“Are you going to make me tired so I can sleep well?” Sehyuk asks to him, laughing as Sangdo shushes him with his kisses.


“Of course, I told you I’m taking care of you now.” Sangdo answers and giggles low as he moves his hand to the middle of his legs, grabbing his cock firmly. It’s hard already and he starts pumping it, spreading the precum that is leaking from the tip all over his length. “You are going to sleep a full day after I’m done with you.”


There’s something in his voice that turns him on; maybe it’s the words he uses, or perhaps is just the tone itself, but it’s enough to make Sehyuk cry out in necessity, in desire. His eyes fall closed as Sangdo leans down and runs his tongue over the velvety head, swirling it around. A deep moan escapes from his throat when Sangdo does that, and he grips the sheet hard, pulling it when Sangdo wraps his lips around his cock.


Incoherent words leaves his mouth as Sangdo starts bobbing his head, sucking him slowly, his tongue tracing the veins of his member, pressing it firmly as he hollows his cheeks. It’s completely fascinating the way Sehyuk melts under his touches, giving himself completely to Sangdo, silently telling him ‘i’m yours, you can do whatever you want to me’, and Sangdo loves to be in control, to be the one causing Sehyuk pleasure, to be the one who transforms him into a total mess.


It doesn’t take long until Sehyuk is about to come, and Sangdo knows the signs already; his muscles are tensing up, he’s breathing heavily and he is writhing in the mattress. Sangdo thinks for a whole second, pondering whether he should make him come or not, and in the end he decides to pull away, earning a whine from him. It’s cute, though, and Sangdo kisses the pout in his mouth.


Obviously, Sangdo’s pants are bothering him right now, and he takes them off, along with his boxers, sighing in relief when his hard cock is free from its restraints. As Sehyuk pulls him closer and kisses him lewdly, he feels his hand pump his shaft, making him moan in his mouth, loving how certain and strong Sehyuk’s grip is around the warm flesh. He loves to know he is the reason for him to be like this, that just by pleasing him he is that hard, and he keeps stroking him, muffling his noises with his lips.


Eventually, Sangdo pulls away, not wanting to come yet, and he kisses Sehyuk harshly before fetching a bottle from the nightstand. He sits down on the bed, dripping the cold liquid in his digits and smiling when Sehyuk spreads his legs to him. He is careful as he pushes one finger inside, taking his time as he doesn’t want to hurt Sehyuk.


Indeed, Sangdo doesn’t want to cause him any unnecessary pain. He’s already been skipping meals because he is always busy, and he’s also practicing hard, forcing himself to sleep two hours per night. Of course his body would complain some time, and it happened when they were at the practice room, when his legs started trembling and he fell unconscious on the floor. All the members were worried about him, and they were forbidden of visiting him in order not to ruin their focus in the upcoming comeback. Not that it helped, though, since they only could think about how Sehyuk was doing.


Pressing a second finger inside, Sangdo leans down to kiss him, wanting to forget all his worries for a second. Sehyuk puts his mind at ease every time they are intimate and he kisses his pain away as he starts spreading his digits inside him, forcing his inside walls to stretch, preparing him. Sehyuk only whines in the third finger, since it’s the one which stretches him wider, and he feels the familiar burn.


“Shh.” Sangdo coos, nibbling his earlobe and slowly moving his fingers inside him. He drags his lips all over his neck, knowing how sensitive he is, and he is glad it distracts him from the light pain he is feeling.


As if he’s made of porcelain, Sangdo takes extra care with him, knowing he might be a bit weak yet, and he pulls his fingers of him, wiping them on the sheets. He smirks when he confirms that Sehyuk is already a mess, panting hard, his hair sticking to his forehead and his cheeks ruddy. It’s such a beautiful scene, Sangdo thinks, it’s in fact one of his favorite images.


Sharing wet, clumsy kisses, Sangdo lines up to his entrance, groaning low as he enters him, feeling how tight he is, how warm he is, how his body is trying to expel him and yet accept him inside. Sehyuk is also soft, and he allows him to bite his lips as he buries himself deep inside him.


“F-Fuck… Sangdo…” Sehyuk cries out in both pain and pleasure and God, how he misses that, misses the feeling of being full, of being connected to his boyfriend. He wraps his arms around his neck, keeping him close, and moans when he feels Sangdo starting to thrust his hips.


“Sehyuk” Sangdo breathes out, speeding up his movements when Sehyuk’s body finally gets used to it, it feels perfect, the way his inner walls keep smashing his cock, causing him to groan in pleasure. “Love… you feel so good”


The intimacy of the moment makes Sehyuk’s heart flutter and he keeps searching for his mouth, being greedy and wanting to have Sangdo all for him, aiming to become one with him as their heart beats in unison. They have been dating since debut and even though Sehyuk never believe in soul mates, he is sure he has found his pair. He is also positive that he is the only one who can complete him perfectly, the only one that can make him feel at peace, feel as though they are made to each other.


Sangdo knows his body like a map and when he angles his hips, he easily hits his special spot, causing him to tremble and clench around him. Sehyuk’s cock is hard and dripping wet as he fucks him, and he keeps crying out Sangdo’s name like a mantra, the erotic noises of their act are like a song, their love melody. He is getting close, he can feel it, and Sangdo doesn’t waste a second, grabbing his member and closing his hand around it, stroking it as fast as he slams inside him.


“Come for me, baby.” Sangdo commands, kissing him deeply, passionately, and hitting his prostate with a hard thrust, earning a loud moan from him. Sehyuk’s sees stars as he comes, spilling his seed over his hand and his own stomach. It feels amazing, everything stops for a second as Sehyuk climaxes, and all his worries, his pain, his troubles seem to vanish away as he orgasms. Sangdo follows him right after, coming inside him, filling him with his cum, holding him close as though they can become one.


Unfortunately, soon enough, they are nothing but a panting mess and Sangdo lays down beside him, pulling him into his arms, trying to recover his breath. He keeps caressing his arm, rubbing his skin in a faint attempt to warm him up, even though he knows Sehyuk is not shivering due to the cold.


“I love you so much.” Sangdo confesses, pressing a gentle kiss to his hair. “I hate to see you in pain. I hate when you have to go to the hospital because of stress and exhaustion. I hate it.”


“I’m sorry.” Sehyuk mutters, pulling away a little so he can look at his eyes. Sangdo can see he is tired, overworked from being the leader, and yet there is nothing he can do to soothe his burden, besides trying to kiss his fatigue away. “The managers told me everything needs to be perfect, but it’s not good if I keep collapsing every now and then.”


“That’s right.” Sangdo hums softly. “The boys are doing fine, Sehyuk. You don’t need to worry yourself so much. You have me as well, don’t be afraid to ask my help sometimes.”


Quietly, Sehyuk nods in agreement. He had learned a lesson after spending four nights alone in the hospital, after feeling his head so light that he thought he felt like floating. He doesn’t like seeing the members worried about him, and he hated when Sangdo told him Hansol was crying in distress.


Silent promises are exchanged between the two lovers and Sehyuk feels tired, though it’s okay, because he’s with Sangdo. Feeling safe in his embrace, he allows himself to fall asleep, and for the first time in a while, he doesn’t think about their schedules or about what he should do to help Taeyang’s difficult in the new choreography. Lulled by Sangdo’s smooth voice, Sehyuk dreams about the boy with the sun kissed skin.

Fealty

Title: Fealty

Pairing: Sangdo x Pgoon

Warnings: Fantasy AU, Short Fic

Rating: PG

Final Word’s Count: ~1690

Summary: The rain keeps falling as Sehyuk takes care of Sangdo’s wounds.


[Fealty]

The ceaseless rain was the only noise besides the two men breath; sometimes, a sigh or a muffled whimper would escape from Sangdo’s lips, but most of the time the room was so silent that Sehyuk could swear he was listening to his heartbeat. The guilty kept eating his stomach alive - let alone the problems he already had due to his anxiety, now he had to endure that new kind of pain.


The young servant put the damp cloth away, finishing cleaning the wound on Sangdo’s ribs, seeing how the king tried not to wince every time he poured the medicine on it. His hands were shaking as he wrapped the bandages firmly around the cut, making sure it wouldn’t fall down. Once he finished and he was ready to go away, his wrists were tightly held, as if Sangdo wanted to stop him from trembling.


“Thank you, Sehyuk.” Those were the first words since Sehyuk got in the room, but they were spoken in a gentle, soft tone, totally different than the servant had imagined. Sehyuk didn’t raise his eyes, avoiding his gaze, though once Sangdo lifted his chin he didn’t fight back. “Your eyes are still watery. Tell me why.” It wasn’t a request, and the last thing Sehyuk wanted was disappointing his king - again.


“I don’t like seeing my lord in pain, mostly when it was my fault.” He said, still looking at him, seeing how tender his expressions were, how slightly surprised he seemed to be when he talked like that. “I’m extremely regretted, my King, for not jumping in front of you when the knife came, for not being able to spare you from any injury, for letting you to bleed and stain your pretty clothes.”


There was a small laugh before Sangdo spoke, making Sehyuk arch his eyebrows in confusion. “First of all, I thought we both could speak informally to each other. I’m not your King, not when we both are behind closed doors, so don’t treat me as one.” Even though it seemed like he was scolding him, his voice was sweet and calm, as if he was talking to a scared puppy. Sangdo held his hands, caressing the cloth, watching how Sehyuk quivered at that. “It looks like you were just standing as a foul, by the way you talk, but we both know that these wounds down here were caused because you tried to hold a sword to protect me. I could have died if you didn’t have fought against that man.”


Indeed, Sangdo had a point, and yet Sehyuk felt as though he had failed with him. Sangdo was sleeping on the bed, Sehyuk lying by his side, and fortunately he heard the window being opened somehow. When the aggressor came, Sehyuk had jumped in front of him, trying to do something to help his king, who woke when Sehyuk screamed in pain as the blade hit his arm. Sehyuk thought he was weak as he fell on the ground, being there long enough for the man get closer to Sangdo, striking his ribs and making the white shirt become red. He was ready to hit him again, this time actually killing him, but Sehyuk was fast so he managed to push him again, fighting for the sword and cutting his hand because of it. In the end, their screams made the guards invade the room, arresting the man and dragging him to the dungeon.


“I’m sorry” Sehyuk mutters, holding his breath as Sangdo kisses his wrist, close to the cuts but not enough to actually harm him. “I just didn’t want you to get hurt. I could have done better-”


“I am alive because of you. Isn’t that good enough?” Sangdo answered, smiling and moving closer, stealing a kiss from him as he used to do when Sehyuk started rambling. Sehyuk’s lips were soft against his own, what makes Sangdo conclude that he will never get tired of kissing them. It felt as though his mouth was made especially for that, as if they were waiting their entire life until they would find each other.


In fact, it didn’t take so long; Sangdo still could remember perfectly about the day when he met Sehyuk. After his usual morning’s rides, Sangdo was going back home, until his horse ran in a different direction, guiding him back to the forest. Sangdo had thought that was odd, but he knew there was a reason behind it; he used to trust in the animal's instinct, knowing they usually could feel when something wasn’t right.


And in that day, something was clearly wrong. The weeping of a young boy got the horse’s attention, and Sangdo could see how he was trying to muffle his noises. Even though Sangdo was the king, he never stopped himself from being kind, so he jumped off the horse, kneeling in front of the boy. His eyes widened when he saw Sangdo, and he immediately bowed, touching the muddy ground with his forehead.


“You’re just going to get yourself dirty” The 13 years old Sangdo had said, laughing softly and making Sehyuk get up, though he was still avoiding his look. “How old are you? And what’s your name”


“Eleven, my King. My name is Sehyuk. Park Sehyuk.” He had muttered in a small voice, trembling and wiping his tears.


“Nice to meet you, Sehyuk. What happened to make a strong boy like you cry like that?” He had asked gently, not wanting to scare him. But soon he’d noticed that the little Sehyuk was covered in dried blood, his body adorning several gashes, and he was probably starving.


It had taken a while before Sehyuk told him all the truth, until he told him about how his parents were killed in front of him, about how he had run the fastest he could, hurting himself on the way. Since he had no home, Sangdo had taken him to live with him in the castle, and soon they became good friends. Sehyuk had decided he would become his servant when he was fourteen, wanting to thank Sangdo for being so kind to him - though he also wanted to be able to be beside him all day, so nothing bad would ever happen to the king.


That’s why Sehyuk felt so guilty when he saw Sangdo bleed - he had made a promise, a long time ago, and it didn’t include allowing his beloved king getting hurt, not even once. “I’m sorry, Sangdo. It’s… it won’t happen again.” He said, allowing Sangdo to caress his covered hands, hiding the bruises that were resting on his white skin.

Instead of persisting on that topic, Sangdo only smiled in answer, nodding softly. The lips that kept absently touching his wrist started to go down, kissing all the extension of his arms, reaching his shoulder and peppering kisses over it. He knew how sensitive Sehyuk were, and it was funny to watch him hold his breath, always avoiding to be noisy. But he couldn’t avoid the small moan that came out from his mouth when Sangdo kissed over his neck, over his throat, his chin and finally, his lips.


“You’re the best servant I could ever have.” Sangdo whispered, feeling the warm breath of the other man hitting his skin, and he opened his eyes, glancing at him. For sure, Sehyuk had grown up beautifully, becoming a gorgeous boy, though he still looked too serious for his age. He just had turned twenty, but sometimes he looked as if he was older than Sangdo, since he used to worry for them both. “And the best friend I could ever want.” He added, kissing his cheeks, holding his hands, being careful not to hurt him. “You’re the best lover I could ever dream of, Park Sehyuk.” He spoke, moving away a little so he could look directly at him. “Don’t you ever forget that. Promise me.”


The way his voice is low though firm makes Sehyuk’s heart flutter. The king had to know how to use the words properly, but Sangdo had this gift of speaking with his soul, not his mind. It made Sehyuk’s spirit feel at peace, feel safe, and in those moments he could feel as though the world was just him and Sangdo.


“I promise. I-I’m sorry.” Sehyuk said, this time leaning forward and kissing him, just like he had done when Sangdo was seventeen and they were discovering each other. It was a gentle though passionate kiss, and Sangdo’s lips tasted strawberry, they felt smooth as silk against his own, making him sigh as he deepened the kiss. However, Sehyuk knew Sangdo was hurt - they both were - and he knew he needed to rest more than anything. Carefully, he pushed his king to lie on the bed, lying beside him and seeing how he showed no resistance.


On that night, unlike the other nights in which Sehyuk would be the one seeking for his lover’s comfort, the older boy slept in his servant’s arms. It pained him the fact that Sangdo seemed restless, probably because he was hurt, and this time he was the one to hold him tight, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Sangdo used to do that whenever Sehyuk woke from a nightmare, but also when he was whining in pain due to his anxiety crisis. Every time the king had duties and Sehyuk had to sleep alone, he had to endure it without having Sangdo’s warm body, without falling asleep whilst listening to him singing lullabies.


It really didn’t matter if Sangdo was a king and Sehyuk a commoner who became his servant; not when they were together, feeling each other’s skin, each other’s heart. Therefore, Sehyuk didn’t feel wrong as he muttered how much he loved him, how much they always should be together. He had made a promise that he would never leave him, and once you swear something to a king, it’s a lifetime vow. Mostly when the king was his lover.


And when they both finally fall asleep, after Sangdo’s pain seemed to lessen, the ceaseless rain finally stopped.

Acceptance

Title: Acceptance
Pairing: Xero x Hansol
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mentions of abuse, angst and comfort
Summary: When Jiho assigned to teach Hansol, he didn’t think he would learn as well. And he surely never imagined that a simple act like that could change his life that much.
Word Count: ~3,200 words
Notes: I started writing this a simply love story, but then it got deeper than I thought it would. I know how hard gay acceptance is, and I surely didn’t manage to write as much as I wanted, to express myself as I wanted, but I tried.

AcceptanceCollapse )

Perfection

Title: Perfection
Pairing: 2dragon (Sehyuk x Sangdo)
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mentions of depression, same sex marriage
Summary: Sehyuk has been always looking for perfection and he can’t see the sparkle in the stars on the gloomy nights.
Word Count: ~2,400 words

[Perfection]


At the age of twenty five, Sehyuk sees himself with a ring on his finger.


When he was a teenager, he never dreamt about getting married; in fact, he didn’t use to have dreams at all. Some people would describe him as a cold hearted person since he usually didn’t smile to anyone. His smirks were for the one person he would love someday.


For a long time, Sehyuk thought he wouldn’t smile. He wondered if there was something wrong with him like everyone used to say; maybe he was really broken and his feelings were all destroyed by the frigidity of his spirit. Day after day, Sehyuk would sit down and gaze at the stars for a while, asking them for help because he couldn’t live like that anymore.


“Damn” Sehyuk swore as he accidentally poured some hot coffee on his hand. He tried to hold the plastic cup without burning himself even more and he saw someone taking it from him, making him lift his eyes. The boy had a bright brown hair and chocolate big eyes. His lips were thin and he smiled to Sehyuk, a warm, gentle smirk, something Sehyuk didn’t know.


“Let me see your hands.” He spoke, putting the cup aside and Sehyuk tried to complain, but he was stronger than him and pulled him to an empty chair, making him sit. “Oh, you burn yourself a little bit. I’ll take care of this for you.”


“Hey, you don’t have t-” Sehyuk complained, but the boy paid no mind to him, going to his backpack and taking a first aid box.


He could see how careful he was as he cleaned the wound, buying a water bottle so he could wash it with cold water. He didn’t speak anything as he was working on his hand, and he put a band aid since the burn wasn’t that serious. He smiled to Sehyuk again, putting his stuff back to his bag.


“I’m Sangdo. Sorry about that.” he said, pointing to the curative on his hands “but I can’t handle seeing people hurt.”


“It’s okay.” Sehyuk answered, bowing his head softly. There was a thick silence between them  after that and Sehyuk know that it would be polite to break it, but he didn’t like talking. He never did.


“I’m studying to be a nurse.” Sangdo spoke, looking at his eyes and smiling. “I know you’re doing Arts. I’ve seen some paintings of yours and they are amazing, Sehyuk.”


Certainly Sehyuk was surprised by the fact that this boy knew him - he probably went to their college’s  exposition and he got to see his paintings. He was also amazed that he liked it because most of them were rather dark and gloomy for most people’s tastes. Sometimes he would also like to paint the sea or the stars, though he was never able to transfer their beauty to whoever was seeing his paintings.

“Thank you.” Sehyuk muttered, throwing his backpack on his shoulder and ready to go back to his studio and forget this weird meeting.


But he never did. He never managed to forget those eyes, to forget how the boy liked his paintings and how he remembered his name after he saw his work.


It took only two weeks to Sehyuk smile for him.


And it took him six years to realise that he couldn’t live without Sangdo anymore. He couldn’t imagine himself wakening without seeing his smile or hearing him sleepily mumble a ‘good morning’, or to have lunch without someone scolding him when he was eating too much fast food. Sehyuk smiled to himself as Sangdo was talking about how he should take care of a cut he got as he was peeling an apple. It was cute, actually, the way he was always looking after him and how he would get worried because of anything.


He still remembers how panicked Sangdo got when he suffered a car crash. He was working at night when he got called and he ran to the hospital, his heart breaking a little when he saw Sehyuk injured like that. He had broken a leg and he was unconscious, several gashes spread along his body.


“I’m sorry” Sehyuk had said when he woke up in the next day. “You said you can’t handle seeing people hurt”


As soon as he got back home, Sangdo took care of him. He hated seeing him crying in pain, but he was beside him all those times, and after being so close of losing him he noticed that he couldn’t live away from him.


That’s why, one day as he was cleaning one of his wounds, Sangdo proposed to him. Most of people would think this was the most unromantic way of doing it, but Sehyuk found it adorable. His eyes were already tearful because of the pain he was feeling and he hugged Sangdo tight, not bothering that they both smelled like antiseptic. How could he say no to the man who would always clean his wounds and scold him whenever he eats too much junk food?


So once Sehyuk got better and was totally healed from the accident, they married. They had a simple wedding party and only their closest friends were invited (most of them were Sangdo’s friends since Sehyuk wasn’t very sociable). They even had a photoshoot so they could remember precisely how happy they were on that day.


And incredible as it may seem, even after a year Sehyuk was still happy. Sangdo would do anything to make him feel good (and Sehyuk would do the same for him) and he loved his smiles. He would say often how he should always smile, and of course Sehyuk listens to him; all the time before he met the love of his life he had been locking his smiles deep inside his heart. Sangdo was the only one who had the key for that lock and the one who knew how to make him feel happy.


After they made love one night, Sangdo was lying on the bed with Sehyuk cuddling with him. He was stroking his hair softly and smiling, wondering why he had taken so long to find him. They had been together for nearly 8 years now and he still feels like falling in love with him every single day. A life without Sehyuk it’s just melancholic and sad and he can’t even think about what he would do if Sehyuk leaves someday without feeling his heart break a little.


“Sehyuk?” He muttered softly, feeling somehow nervous. He had been thinking about how he should talk about this to him, but he didn’t know the best way to say it. Sehyuk only mumbled a “Mmm?” and he sighed, trying to calm himself down. The problem was that he didn’t know what reaction Sehyuk would have and he was afraid of this going on the wrong way. “I told you once, a few years ago in fact, that I dreamt of being a father. Do you remember that?”


Almost immediately Sehyuk’s face got white. Several thoughts crossed over his mind and seconds became ages for him; he knew what was coming next. Sangdo had this thing of randomly saying that he wanted to have kids someday, but Sehyuk never thought this day would come. He never wanted to get married, in the first place, let alone being a father. Nevertheless, he didn’t ever think that having a wife or husband would be a good thing and surprisingly he discovered that his life was better in this way. Perhaps having kids would be as pleasant as his marriage was. Honestly, it wasn’t as if Sehyuk had a voice. He had been only accepting things on his life and he would do whatever Sangdo wanted to let him happy.


That’s why within an year later, Sehyuk sees himself with a child on his arms.


Park Sarang had only two years when Sangdo and Sehyuk adopted her; she had a white milky skin, black hair and giant sparkling eyes. Her laugh was so pure and it would always make Sangdo’s heart melt. Even though she had a dark past, she could now smile as she was playing with the several toys that her parents bought her and sleep hugging her big teddy bear.


The thing Sangdo loved the most (and Sehyuk seemed to feel the same way, sometimes) was to walk holding his husband’s hand and his child in his arms. He felt like all his life had guided him to this moment, and he could say that he was truly happy, his heart was overflowing in happiness and he couldn’t ask for more.


However, there were times when Sehyuk would sit all alone in the balcony, a cigarette in his hands (even though Sangdo had said he shouldn’t smoke), and he would think if he was doing the right thing. He never had thought about getting married, let alone having children. He was happy, he was sure of that, but the bitter taste of the indecision and doubt was plastered to his mouth. The “what if” that couldn’t leave his mind was driving him mad and every time Sarang started to cry at night, making him get up to see what was wrong, he would think if he really wanted that. He felt selfish and cruel for asking himself all those questions, because Sangdo thought everything was perfect. He would smile at him and kiss him, saying that he loved more than anything in the world.


But Sehyuk never knew the true happiness, and he felt so fucking guilty because of it. He had the most perfect husband and the cutest child he could ever dream of, and yet he would sit and cry silently as he would hear Sangdo sing to their baby sleep.


Sehyuk had everything and yet he feels so fucking empty all the time. It hurts to know that his smiles are becoming more and more rare, just as they were before that stupid boy took care of the burns the coffee he had poured on his hand caused.


“Love?” The smooth voice of Sangdo called him, and he was smoking this time, sitting alone and watching the stars and the moon, wondering why he can’t feel happy as he should. He didn’t regret anything, though; he loved Sarang and he loved Sangdo with all his heart, but yet everything was so difficult for him. “What are you doing?”


There was no answer from Sehyuk because he didn’t want Sangdo to watch him tear down in front of him, he didn’t want him to see the glistened tears that were rolling along his cheeks as all he can think of is how stupid he is being.


Nevertheless, Sangdo always knew him as an open book, and he knew each page of him. He knew that his art was starting to get as dark as before, and he could feel the smell of the cigarette in his clothes, he could taste it in his kisses. He could notice how Sehyuk’s smiles were dim and how sometimes he would hug Sarang as she was sleeping and he would silently cry with her in his arms.


Sangdo sat beside of him, taking the hand that wasn’t holding the cigarette, and he didn’t look at his face because he knew how annoyed he gets when someone looks at him as he’s crying. “I’m sorry.” Sehyuk muttered, turning his face to gaze at him and it hurts so much. He was ashamed of how weak he was, of how he was whining when he had a perfect life. “I’m so sorry.” He said again, and the answer he received was a sad, gentle smile.


The silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable, and Sehyuk’s sobs became lower and lower until they stopped. Sangdo’s hand was still on his, softly caressing his skin, tracing the lines of his veins and massaging his knuckles. “It took me some time to realise what bothers your heart, Sehyuk.” Sangdo finally spoke, looking at him once again. “You are seeking for perfection, you always have been. You never smiled too much because you were saving your smiles. You never allowed yourself to be happy because you were looking for something truly worthy of your happiness. But yet, you let your life guide you.”


The pain, the sorrow was more than evident on Sangdo’s voice, and there were some tears wetting his dark eyes, but he doesn’t wipe them, not yet.


“The choices we’ve made… I don’t regret any of them.” Sehyuk said, because he didn’t want Sangdo to think he was regretted of marrying or having a child. “It’s just… it hurts.”


“I know. And I can’t handle seeing people hurt.” Sangdo answered with a sad smirk on his lips and he pulled his hand closer so he could kiss their ring. “The happiness you seek it’s inside you, Sehyuk. You just have to open your eyes for it.” He kissed his fingers, though his eyes were at Sehyuk’s. “I’m here for you, today and forever. Don’t forget that.”


At the age of twenty eight, Sehyuk sees himself carrying his daughter’s backpack on his shoulders, as he screams for her not to go too far, and laughs as Sangdo scolds him for letting her play outside.


He’s sitting on the balcony again, though this time he has Sarang on his lap and Sangdo by his side. The cigarette is long forgotten and the tears still come back sometimes, but now Sangdo is always there to wipe them. When he’s hurt, he has Sangdo to put some band aids on his wounds, even if it’s his heart who’s hurting.


On the few times in which Sangdo is the one in pain, Sekyuk does his best to fix him, even if he’s a little clumsy as he tries to assure him that everything is okay.


And in a cold, dark night, Sehyuk sees himself smiling to the moon, and thanking the stars for burning himself with the hot coffee.
  • Current Mood: i miss the taste of the sweet life
  • Current Music: i miss the conversation

Butterfly (1B)

[Butterfly 1B]

Hansol is walking alone for the first time in a while because Byungjoo is still sleeping and he doesn't want to wake him, not when he looks so peaceful, slightly snoring as he dreams. Hansol thinks it's cute and he kisses his cheek before going to walk through the forest that he knows so well.

“Do you want to go explore with me?” He asks to the butterfly he sees, smiling when it lands on his hand and he starts looking for the river, which isn't that far, cause he feels thirsty. He already can hear the sound of the water, and the sun is starting to rise, making him cover his eyes when the sunlights hit them. The cold breeze made him rub his arms, and he speeded his pace as he felt his throat really dry. Hansol sees the source of the river and gets closer, kneeling and drinking from there. The water is pure and crystalline and he lets a soft moan of satisfaction escape from his thin lips when he takes small sips, the drops moistening his chin as they pass through his mouth. When he looks at the water, he sees himself at the reflex, but slowly that becomes the Hansol of his nightmare, smirking bitterly to him.

Hansol moves away, his heart beating faster and he's panting, afraid of what he saw. He wipes his lips with the sleeve of his shirt, and he raises up, ready to go back to the bed that him and Byungjoo share and hug him, tell him about what happened. However, when he lifts his gaze he sees someone who isn't Byungjoo. The boy seems to be younger than him and he has sharp features, a defined jawline and a cute nose. His lips looks like a small pink-rose and his eyes are black like the night, just as his hair.

“Hansol... God, I can't believe that I found you.” He speaks and Hansol wants to run away but his legs don't move, he's completely frozen as he moves closer and closer until he can touch his face. Hansol shivers at the touch and he doesn't like it because it isn't Byungjoo. “Hansol, listen to me. Please, listen to me.”

That voice. Hansol gasps at shock when he recognizes the voice of his dreams who is always asking him to listen but never speaks a word after. He wants to scream for Byungjoo but he knows he's too far to hear him and he curses himself for going out without him. He knows that before Byungjoo was there he used to explore it all alone but now he finds himself dependant of him and somehow weak, a tiny little thing who's always scared of loud noises and unknown people. His lips are trembling as the boy gets closer, so close than he can feel his warm breath hitting his skin. Hansol looks at him and he doesn't seem like he's going to hurt him, and he can sense some odd familiarity in his voice, the way his heart hurts when he speaks. He feels like he knows him, just as when he first met Byungjoo, but he's startled by what that might mean. The boy's fingers are on his cheek, softly caressing it, cupping his face, and Hansol hates himself because he shouldn't like someone else's touches.

“How do you know my name?” He finally manages to whisper, his words are as shaky as his breath and the boy arches his eyebrows, looking somehow surprised with that.

“Why wouldn't I?” He whispers back and glances at Hansol's eyes, for God knows how long. “You don't remember me.” He says after, moving his hand away. “It's Jiho, Shin Jiho.”

Hansol shakes his head politely, enough to tell him that this name means nothing to him. He doesn't remember someone named Jiho because he never met anyone besides Byungjoo and himself. He intends to go away and he turns his body away, but then he feels his wrist being held by Jiho. Hansol cries out faintly as he feels a sudden, sharp headache and he looks at him, heavily breathing.

There's blood on Jiho's hands, but it disappears when he blinks his eyes.

He doesn't like how things are getting creepy ever since... he met Byungjoo. Before he saw him, he was alone with the butterflies and the bright blue sky, dreaming about sweet nothings. And then he discovered how he hated eating, and when Byungjoo asked him about life he started having nightmares. What he didn't imagine was that he would have them during the day, when he was awake.

“Please leave me alone.” Hansol whispers and Jiho only holds his wrist tighter. Jiho seems hurt by his words, he can say that just by gazing at him, and Hansol quietly sobs when he tries to go away. “Please” He adds and looks down, trembling when he sees it again.

Blood is dripping, soaking the green grass.

“Hansol, listen to me. You have to w-” Jiho starts saying but Hansol is so terrified that somehow he manages to get away from his tight grip and he runs as fast as he can, until he feels his lungs burning, his throat drought as he finally reaches the glade where he sleeps and he spots Byungjoo, but he just keeps running. He needs to find the other river and he can hear Byungjoo screaming for him to stop, but he pays no mind. He doesn't stop till he sees the water and he kneels, sinking his arms in it, not caring if he's going to wet his clothes. He doesn't realize either that he's crying and the tears are frantically falling from his eyes, and he scratches his skin trying to clean the dried blood that is there.

“Hansol, stop!” Byungjoo says, pulling him and moving him away from the river. He holds his both hands and looks at his eyes, as if he wants to tell him that it's alright.

“The blood, I have to wash it...” Hansol whines but Byungjoo makes sure he can't move his hands away from him.

“Blood? Hansol, look. There's no blood.” He answers, rolling his sleeves up so he can see his milky skin and notice that yeah, there's no blood. There's only faint marks from his nails when he was trying to clean it, but there's nothing besides it. Byungjoo pulls him closer and hugs him tight. “You need to sleep. It's going to be alright”

Hansol knows it won't but he nods anyway, following him back to bed and lying there. He lets Byungjoo hug him and stroke his hair to let him sleepy. It's true that he's quite afraid of sleeping, but he feels emotionally drained and it doesn't take too long since he's far too asleep.

This time he isn't in that weird place, but he's somewhere that feels like home. Hansol spots the other him and he's lying on the floor, the unstoppable noise of his phone who keeps ringing makes his head ache and he kneels, trying to touch his forehead. However, it's like he's intangible and he can't feel his skin. Hansol sees that he's still breathing, but when he looks at his wrists they are bleeding so badly, soaking the carpet. He's too deep on watching him, seeing how the pain is visible on his face and how he seems so thin, so fragile that it seems like he could easily break. The door opens and he sees Jiho who runs to him, kneeling on front of him and holding his wrists. His blood is staining his shirt but he doesn't care, he knows he has to stop the bleeding. The tears are freely running along his cheeks and he takes a cloth, trying to stop it. There's blood everywhere.

Please wake up. Please come back to me.

Byungjoo can see that Hansol isn't the same. He doesn't sing to the butterflies anymore and he is like a little pet, startled by anything. His smiles are becoming more and more rare and he barely sleeps, though he has nightmares whether is he awake or asleep. He met Jiho one day after he had become Hansol's friend, though they never talk cause Hansol never wants to listen to him. Byungjoo knows that if he does, something will change. So Jiho only sits by his side and never touches him, otherwise he will trigger a panic attack. He hates how Hansol is shutting himself for him and no matter how hard he tries he can never break the shield that he built between them both.

“You asked me once how life would be outside here” Hansol says as them three are sitting on a hill, watching the bright blue sky, though Jiho always seems worried and afflicted, as if he has to come back to somewhere soon. Byungjoo turns his face to look at him and it simply hurts how he seems so broken, with dark circles under his (dim) eyes. “I shouldn't know how it would be.”

“You should know.” Jiho answers and Byungjoo glances at him because he doesn't want him to speak. It scares Hansol even more when he does.

Please Hansol, wake up. He hears Jiho but he isn't talking. The Jiho who's beside him it's immobile, gazing at the sky with sad eyes and noisily breathing, yeah, but he isn't talking. Nevertheless, he keeps hearing his voice. Hansol, I know you can hear me. This has gone too far. Wake up.

“Wake up from what?” He whispers and within a blink of eyes, he isn't on the hill anymore.

There's just white everywhere and nothing, there's no way out, only an infinite whiteness. Jiho is in front of him and he feels scared because he doesn't know what's happening. Byungjoo isn't with him and he needs to hold his hand to be safe.

“You finally listened to me.” Jiho speaks, getting closer and touching his cheek just as when they first met in that world.

“What are you talking about?” He mutters, slightly shivering and wanting to escape, to go away and go back to Byungjoo; however, he feels good when he's close to Jiho, that's why he didn't let him disappear as he had planned.

“You know exactly what I am talking about, Hansol. Close your eyes and listen to your heart.”

Even though Hansol doesn't want to do what he's saying, he feels like he should and he lets his eyes fall shut, instinctively grabbing Jiho's hand.

He can see the blood again, soaking the carpet as Jiho desperately calls the ambulance, and he can feel the fear in his best friend's heart. He also can see the confusion in his boyfriend's eyes when he's lying in an hospital's bed. Hansol always hid so well that he never suspected of anything, but Jiho, as his best friend obviously knew of everything.

I am that Hansol. I am the skinny, dying Hansol.

He opens his eyes again and Jiho is smiling to him, wiping the tears that Hansol didn't notice he let fall. Jiho always knew about everything, that's why he was the one calling for him in his nightmares, that's why he started to see things as he was awake right after he met him. However, the glimpse of himself on that hospital bed wasn't an agradable thing to see and feel. That world seemed rather scaring in comparison to the illusion he had been living. All those months, he had been hearing to his real self in his nightmares, who was asking him to remain chained to that sweet fantasy and now he knows that he has to decide what to do: wake up or continue to sleep.

“It's time to wake up, Sollie. We miss you so much. Me and Byungjoo, we don't know what to do without you.” He says and Hansol knows he must be deeply hurt since he was the one who found him after he tried to kill himself. The guilty still eats him alive when he thinks that he might had been able to avoid that – maybe if he had talked to him more, heared him more, loved him more. They are all drowing in a sea of indecision and doubts, sinking themselves in the same dark abyss which escaping unharmed is almost impossible.

“It hurts.” Hansol breathes out, raising his eyes to meet Jiho's, and he squeezes his hand when he feels a sob escaping from his shaky lips. He can feel the weight of the close reality smashing his chest, pressing his ribs and burning his lungs so bad that he can't breathe. In that world, he will have to face feelings that he doesn't remember, he will have to feel the deep pain in his heart and wish that he wasn't alive. He won't get up so easily and the butterflies might not be as pretty as they were before. “I don't want to...” He whispers but he knows he has no other choice because if he returns to his dreamy world, the nightmares will still be haunting him and he's done with it.

“I know.” Jiho says and his voice it's full of compassion, as if he really could feel the profund wound in his soul. “I wished we all could live in that world, Hansol... but it's time to wake up, hm? I'm here with you, you don't have to be afraid.” He adds, leaning and pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead. Hansol sighes as the tears silently fall from his eyes and he closes them, nodding and holding Jiho's hand.

Even though he doesn't want to, Hansol wakes up in the next day. The bed where he's lying isn't as comfortable as that one from the other world, and the whiteness of the room hurt his eyes. He can feel something tight tying his wrists and he can assume that are the bandages. He can see the psychiatrist he used to consult, Sangdo, standing there and he's talking to Jiho. Byungjoo isn't there now, but he notices that his jacket is on one of the chairs.

“He's physically fine, Jiho, and that's why you have to keep speaking with him. His mind locked him in a dream of butterflies and happiness and he won't wake up if you don't help him.” He hears him speaking and he knits his eyebrows, suddenly remembering of everything that happened. He groans in pain when he tries to move, his muscles feeling too stiff and that's when Jiho looks at him, his expression freezing for a second when he can't believe that he finally woke up. He's about to go hug him but Sangdo holds his hand, stopping him. “He might not recognize you, we should wai–”

“You said you were with me.” Hansol mutters faintly, his voice sounding croaky from all the time he had been sleeping, his throat feeling drought. “You said I shouldn't be afraid.” Jiho looks at him, surprised and a tear escapes from the corner of his eyes. He was talking to him all that time, asking him to please listen to him and wake up, but he never thought that Hansol actually heard him. If he was really trapped in a dreamy world as Sangdo had said, then he had to be strong enough to abandon it and return to the harsh reality. Even if that sounded quite selfish, Jiho was glad that he made that choice. “Why did you wake me up?” He cried out, a muffled sob escaping from his lips and Jiho frowns at that. “Why? I was so happy with Byungjoo and the butterflies!” Hansol doesn't notice, but he's whimpering in sheer pain and fear, hating how he was ripped out from his own paradise. His vision is blurred from the unstoppable tears and he tries to get up, feeling a little dizzy.

Byungjoo suddenly appears with a cup of coffee on his hand and he immediately drops it on a close chair, running to Hansol and hugging him tight. He wasn't expecting for him to wake now and it's a shock to see him that violent. “Hansol, stop!” He says, holding him so he won't squirm as he's, trying to move away. Jiho is still frozen, and when he looks at Hansol's eyes he can see the anger on them. Before Hansol can realize he feels a sting in his neck and he looks to the other side, seeing Sangdo holding a syringe.

“It's just a sedative. He's going to be fine.” He says to Jiho and Hansol movement's slow down till he falls on Byungjoo's arms and everything gets black for him.


When Hansol wakes up, he isn't feeling that hurt or angry, just... numb. He tries to sit down and he notices he has his wrists tied up to the bed. Jiho is sitting beside him and he is glancing at him, his eyes are puffy and he can see that he had cried. Byungjoo isn't there – again – and he believes that he's just buying coffee or something. Sangdo isn't there either and they probably think it's safe enough to let Jiho alone when he has restraints on his hands.

“You hate me, don't you?” Jiho mutters, more an affirmation than a question. Hansol lifts his gaze, looking at him, and he is really pissed off with the fact that he can barely move. He feels like a prisioner.

“You didn't let me die in that day.” Hansol whispers, his voice still hoarse from the disuse. “A few more minutes and I would have bled to the death. You woke me up from my dream.” He says, looking at him and he can see how Jiho seems hurt, but not regretted at all. “I could blame you for making me suffer again... but that just sounds unfair.” He adds, making Jiho gasp and gaze at him, finally raising his eyes.

Jiho purses his lips, stretching his arm so he can take his hand. His skin is quite cold and Jiho holds his hand, caressing it. He misses it, he misses it so damn much and he's really happy that he has Hansol back; even though that isn't the Hansol he knew when he was just a child. He will never be the same, Jiho knows that, because the world broke his innocence. When Hansol was a teenager, he didn't want to kill himself and he knew how to enjoy life, to be happy, but slowly he forgot all those things. Hansol learned that being who he was and feeling attraction for the same sex was wrong and dirty and that he should go to hell for it, that he should be beaten in school because he was like that. At first, it only hurt physically, but day after day he saw himself drowing in a sea that had no way to come back. It hurt Jiho so much to see how he had lost all the taste for life, how the days were always grey for him and even when they were having Hansol couldn't feel truly happy anymore. He hated himself and seeing his image in the mirror only made him sick, and before that he noticed he started eating less and less till he barely could eat at all. Hansol wondered how being normal would feel.

“You were always asking me to come back.” Hansol starts speaking again, glancing at him. “You were the part of the dream who knew all my flaws and necessities. Byungjoo... he only met me when I was happy, and when everything started to crumble down, he just asked me to go sleep.” He can remember all the times Byungjoo didn't know what to do besides hugging him tight and asking him to sleep so he would get better.

“I'm sorry.” Jiho finally talks, his tone is quite broken and hurt and he squeezes Hansol's hand softly. “I wish I could be the one who would make you happy and make all your dreams come true. I wish I–”

“Jiho, you're the reality in my life, I can see that now. Killing myself, being trapped in that world, those are all dreams. But I can't live in dreams.” Hansol interrupts him, and it hurts more than he thought to speak that. It's a bitter feeling, knowing that he has to accept how he's now, no matter how fucked up he is. “I can have the dream that I need with Byungjoo, but I can't live from dreams. I need you.”

Jiho caresses his cheek, cupping his face and it's just so familiar that Hansol wants to cry again. He gazes at his eyes for a long time, no words being spoken as that, a thick silence filling the room. Their heavy breaths are the only sound besides the tick tock from the clock and Hansol wanders if Jiho is going to speak something.

“I love you, Hansol. You're my best friend.” He finally whispers, so low that even Hansol doesn't know for sure if he really had said that. “I have nightmares with that afternoon everyday... I can't forget how close I was to loose you. Please, please never do something like that again.”

“You know I can't promise.” Hansol mumbles and he smiles softly. “But I can try harder. I don't want to suffer anymore.” He says and he means it. He really doesn't have a choice because everyone will keep an eye on him so he won't try to kill himself again and he will probably be on hospital for a while. Even if he has to see Sangdo more regularly and to explain all his life to Byungjoo, willing to be accepted by him, he will try. He hates to see Jiho in pain and he hates to see himself in pain.

He will try to learn how to swim so he can save himself from drowning even further.


--


Hansol dreams with butterflies everynight. He walks bare feet on the fluffy grass, smiling to the bright blue sky and holding hands with Byungjoo. Jiho is his friend now and they three always talk a lot, laughing together and having a lot of fun. He likes to sing for them and for the butterflies, and he loves to dance with them.

Hansol has daymares practically everyday. He has to endure the pain on his chest, the desire of cutting himself to relief his suffering, the self destructive thoughts as his own mind tries to kill him. However, he has Jiho and Byungjoo holding his both hands when he's falling down so he doesn't drown on that old, known sea.

And one day, Hansol can finally see the butterflies as he is awake.

Butterfly

Title: Butterfly (1A)
Pairing: Hansol x B-joo (Hanjoo)
Warnings: Self-Harm, Depression, Suicidal thoughts
Rating: R
Final Word’s Count: ~5,552
Summary: Hansol wants to see the butterflies again.

[Butterfly]

As far as Hansol remembers, there was always him. He doesn't remember too much though, just of waking up one day; there's no chilhood or old memories, it's simply him opening his eyes and glancing at the blue sky as he lies on a cozy bed, the warmth of the sun hugging his body as he smiles and sits, his bare feet touching the fluffy grass.

It was always him and a gentle boy with nice features named Byungjoo. He is lying on a green hill, watching the bright sky and seeing how the clouds looked as little cute pets, laughing alone and feeling genuinely happy. A butterfly flies closer to him, landing on the tip of his nose making him giggle and he stretches his arm, seeing how it goes to his hand. Hansol smiles because he loves butterflies, they are pure and pretty with their colorful wings and weightlessness, their delicacy.

Do you like butterflies too?” He hears a smooth voice speaking and quickly he lifts his gaze, his body getting stiff and he brings his hands on front of his face, consequently making the butterfly fly away. The boy doesn't seem threatening though, he has chocolate eyes and a pair of thin lips that are smirking to him. His features are mild and Hansol likes how his brown hair is a bit messy because of the soft breeze. Slowly, Hansol moves his hands, sitting straight again and glancing at him.

“You made the butterfly go away.” He mutters in a tiny, squeaky voice, and the boy kneels in front of him. He gazes at him for a while, not saying a word, and then he sits beside him, looking at the sky. Hansol doesn't speak anything too cause he's kind of nervous since he never knew anyone beside himself. He doesn't know for sure what he supposes to do cause he has been there for only a few months and he doesn't remember of living before. However, another butterfly flies again, landing this time on the boy's hand and he stretches his arm so Hansol can see it.

“I like butterflies.” He finally says and he smiles to him. “I'm Kim Byungjoo. What's your name?”

“I'm just Hansol.” He mumbles and sees how Byungjoo seems satisfied with his short answer. He lies on the hill again, but this time them both are laughing at the cloud's shapes together.

It's almost like if they they had known each for a long time.


In the first weeks, Byungjoo doesn't speak too much, probably not to startle Hansol who is always scared of loud noises or more talk than usual. He doesn't like questions because he never knows how to answer them. Hansol feels like he should be worried with not knowing practically anything about this dreamy world where he lives or about himself, but he doesn't. He isn't worried, in fact he's happier than any living person and his days are filled up by joy and smiles, butterflies landing on his hands and making his heart flutter.

Hansol feels truly happy, he doesn't want to leave this place and just the simple thought of having to go away from wherever he is scares him. His life is pretty perfect as he's holding hands with Byungjoo, walking along the soft grass, bare feet, dressing only a thin shirt and white pants, smiling to all the butterflies that lands on his body – he finds quite funny when they rest at his or Byungjoo's hair.

One day, as they are walking through the woods, Byungjoo points to a tree and smiles happily. Hansol asks himself why he seems so excited in finding a tree till he sees him taking a red thing from there.

“What's that?” Hansol asks because he had never seen that before, and his question makes Byungjoo furrow his eyebrows, probably wondering if Hansol doesn't know or if he's just joking. Nevertheless, he smirks softly and bites it, munching.

“It's an apple. It's a fruit.”

“And what's the use of a fruit?” He really doesn't understand what Byungjoo is doing with that, biting and swallowing up. He had never seen him doing this and that makes him confused. Byungjoo seems to be enjoying even though that looks like a really weird thing to do.

“You eat.” Byungjoo says and hands him the apple. “Bite it, Hansol. You will like it.”

The word 'eat' makes him shiver and he doesn't know exactly why, but that triggers a feeling that he doesn't like. His eyes widen at the vision of the crimson fruit and he holds it with shaky hands, opening his mouth and biting, munching, swallowing, and feeling his stomach violently reject that food, making him throw up seconds later. He feels terrible for eating and his eyes get watery as he's ashamed of that, of the disturbed look on Byungjoo's face and how he gently rubs his back, saying it's okay.

But Hansol knows it's not okay. As time goes by, he discovers he doesn't like eating at all and he just watches when Byungjoo eats the fruits he finds, the pleasure evident on his face. At first he tried to make Hansol taste it too, but he gives up when he notices that he throws up every time he tries.

Nonetheless, Hansol is still happy. He loves singing to the butterflies, it's his favorite thing to do. He likes seeing how Byungjoo watches him sing with a smile on his thin lips and how some times they sing together. It's nice to have someone, Hansol thinks, and it's lovely to be able to hold his hand as they lie on the hills watching the bright blue sky.

It's a pitch black night and he hugs Byungjoo to sleep. He is his second favorite thing, right after the butterflies.

“Hansol, have you ever thought about how life is outside?” He mutters, low enough that only Hansol is able to hear – though there's only him and the mild breeze blowing their hairs.

It's a strange question, indeed, and Hansol purses his lips, glancing at him. He remains quiet for a long while, clenching his little fingers around Byungjoo's shirt, breathing so quietly that the other boy thinks he fell asleep.

“This is my life, Joo. Here with my butterflies and you.” Hansol answers, pretty certain of his thoughts and feelings. He knows no other life and he likes how here is – wherever, whatever here is. He doesn't want to leave, he feels safe and happy.

Byungjoo hums softly in agreement and keeps stroking his hair until he sleeps. Usually, Hansol doesn't dream, and when he does it's only with butterflies.

However, this time he finds himself walking through a large corridor that doesn't seem to have an ending. He can see white walls and locked doors and he just feels like he has to keep walking no matter what happens. He's bare feet and the floor's tiles are icy, making him slightly shiver. He doesn't like this place but he has no other way besides head to the exit even though he doesn't know if he can escape from the smashing whiteness that it's making his heart speed up in a unknown fear. He's cold and he embraces himself, rubbing his arms in a feeble attempt of warming himself up.

'Why are you here? Go back.' He hears a voice that sounds so much with himself that makes him gasp and look behind him, but when he looks back there's only a thick wall and the way he was heading doesn't exist anymore.

Hansol sits on the floor, hugging himself and hiding his face on his knees. 'Please, please wake up' he thinks, but nothing happens. He's still there, shaking on the floor and feeling his heart beating rather fast.

'Hansol, Hansol please. Listen to me.' There's another voice now and he doesn't know the owner this time. It's a boy's voice, a cute, worried one, and Hansol lifts his gaze, but he doesn't see who spoke that. When he opens his mouth trying to say something he notices he has no voice and that no matter how he tries he can't speak.

He feels fear and that's a feeling Hansol didn't know in his oddly happy life. He hates how his stomach hurts in anxiety and how he's breathing so quickly that he's panting.

There's a black figure walking in his direction and Hansol has no place to runaway so he just tries to hide his face with his hands but even when he closes his eyes he still can see.

He sees himself but he's rather different than he looks now. His hair is still black and short but his eyes are just deep and sad, like if he could drown himself only by looking at them. He's thinner than anything he had ever seen (though he only knows Hansol and Byungjoo) and when he looks at his wrists, he can see blood dripping from them, littering the white floor.

'Go back. Please.' The boy speaks and Hansol just nods, too afraid to do anything.

When he opens his eyes he's lying beside Byungjoo and before he notices tears are rolling along his cheeks, an uncontrollable crying taking control of his body as he's really afraid. He can't forget all those voices and he hugs Byungjoo's tight.

“What's wrong Hansol?” He asks as he rubs his back soothingly, but Hansol doesn't answer as his whole body is quivering with his broken sobs. 'There's nothing wrong', he wants to answer, but he knows that he would be lying.

Because, after that day, everything changed.

Hansol started having nightmares every night and Byungjoo was there for him. In those dreams he usually saw himself, with bloody wrists and a pale face, a thin saddening figure who would always tell him to go back. Hansol would cry and sob, too afraid to actually do anything, and he would wake with Byungjoo calling his name and shaking him softly because he was screaming.

Nevertheless, Hansol was still happy. He still singed for the butterflies and played with them, walking bare feet through the green grass, smiling to the bright sky and holding Byungjoo's warm hand. He avoided eating because he didn't need to, and he wasn't skinny as the Hansol in his nightmares. He realized he loved Byungjoo – maybe more than the butterflies – and that he loved to be with him.

Such an odd feeling, Hansol thinks, for someone who practically knows nothing beside happiness and fear.

Emotionless

Pairing: Hanjoo (Hansol x Bjoo)
Warning: Vampire AU, PG
Summary: Hansol doesn’t want to feel anything
Word Count: 2,159 words

--

[Emotionless]

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes.”

That was the last time he would ask this and he nodded, holding the boy's chin and smiling to him, leaning and pecking his thin lips, seeing how he parted them, allowing him to deepen the kiss. It would be the last time he would feel his warmth and hear his blood pounding through his veins, teasing him deeply. Byungjoo moved away, kissing Hansol's forehead and then gazing at his dark eyes for a few moments; he seemed to be sure of what he wanted and he wouldn't go back, so he quickly nodded, seeing how he tilted his head to the side, giving him full access to his neck.

Byungjoo leaned on him, resting his lips on his neck. He could hear his heartbeats becoming faster and see how he suddenly started to pant, his hands clenching around his jacket. Gently, he kissed his neck before sinking his fangs on his skin, breaking it and going deeper, seeing how Hansol moaned, making smooth choked noises as he started to drink his blood. He had the sweetest flavor he ever tasted and he was just warm and delicious. The grip of Hansol's hand started to soften as he kept sucking his blood from his veins, and he finally pulled back, seeing how the boy got a pale color and barely could let his eyes opened.

He ripped his own wrist, too excited to actually feel the pain of that and he held Hansol's head, dripping his blood on his lips. Instinctively the dark haired boy grabbed his arm, holding his wrist close to his mouth and drinking it, his eyes widening at that and he peered at Byungjoo, seeing how he motioned to him to carry on. Hansol never had tasted blood and of course he never thought that this could feel good, that he would moan softly as he was drinking.

Nonetheless, the pleasure vanished away as soon as Byungjoo pulled his wrist away, giving Hansol a bloody kiss before he whispered an 'I love you' and 'be strong' as he knew that the worst would happen now. Hansol's body writhed  in an inhuman way, croaky groans leaving his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut, his breath becoming hasty as he felt like liquid fire was running through his veins, burning him inside and slowly killing him. He knew that it would hurt but he never thought it would be like this, he never thought that dying would hurt so much. However, there was nothing Byungjoo could do to soothe his suffering and he only held him close, letting him tight the grip on his hand as he was fighting against the pain.

And finally his heartbeat slowed till it stopped along with his breath and his eyelids fell shut, his lips slightly parted, still red from the blood. Hansol was now dead and immersed in a sort of dreamland, somehow reviving his memories.




Everyone knew that vampires were real, that you should take extremely care while walking on streets at night and how they should avoid dark alleys, and that's why Hansol was heading to one of them. The alcohol in his system didn't allow him to walk properly, but besides the tears freely running through his cheeks he felt pretty concious and certain. He could feel his heartbeats becoming faster as he started panting as his body was naturally reacting to the fear. He thought about going back but he knew he would regret of waking next morning, so he nodded to himself, still walking.

“Hello gorgeous.” He heard, making him turn his body, looking at that dark shape. He had a black straight hair, his eyes were red at the hungry and he had his arms covered by tattoos. His lips curved in a malicious smirk, and he slowly walked to Hansol, cupping his face and rubbing his cheeks, feeling the warmth of his tears. He wiped them away, slightly arching his eyebrows and looking at the boy's eyes; he looked half dead and half drunk, in a mix that would make anyone pity him. “What are you doing here?” He asked and Hansol could see two pointed fangs, like two shiny pearls, sharp enough to easily break his skin.

“Just kill me already.” Hansol manage to muffle, and he was glad that he was in a blind alley, otherwise he would run away as the coward he was. He couldn't handle with the pain anymore, he had been suffering for some damn long and he knew he wouldn't be able to kill himself, so he find a way, going after the creatures of the night that his mother told him once to avoid.

The vampire didn't answer anything, only nodded quickly and pulled him closer with a in incredibly smooth way, his fingers softly pressing his waist as Hansol's head fell to the side, his breath becoming erratic and he held the other's shirt, feeling how icy he was as he kissed his neck. It was so intimate and gentle that Hansol moaned, the tears starting to fall again. This was it, it was the final point, his last minutes and he was just glad that he would die in such way... He knew about vampires who would simply rip the throat of their victims but this one was erotic, his tongue licking around the spot he would bite, and Hansol could swear he heard him saying 'shh it's alright, I will take your pain away'.

What Hansol didn't notice was how he was sobbing as he felt his fangs only press his skin, scratching it, and it seemed like an eternity, he just wanted that to end soon. And when he was just too damn close to death, the creature ready to drink all that delicious blood, he felt him suddenly being pushed with an unatural strength, making him fall on the floor. He watched the scene as he was laying there, not caring if the streets were dirty and he was quite drunk to bother with it. He could see another figure that, though he wasn't tall as the other one neither scaring as he thought he would be. Hansol thought the vampire would be mad at the other since he had stopped him from feeding, but there was the same ironic, charming smile on his pale lips.

“Byungjoo.” The vampire with the tattoos said, peering at Hansol just to check if he was still there. “Why did you do that?”

“You know you can't do this, Jiwon. It's fucking wrong.” The boy named Byungjoo said and he gazed at Hansol. His eyes weren't red as Jiwon's, and he looked so oddly human that made Hansol's heart sting. “Look at him, he's a child–” Hansol's frowned, he wasn't that young, he had twenty years and was pretty sure of his life.

“A dying child.” Jiwon said, his voice smooth as silky. It took him a second to smile again and he seemed to have understand something, nodding at himself.

Hansol's vision got blurry from there and he let his eyelids fall shut, positive that there would be no more sun for him, that he wouldn't wake again and that everything would end...

But of course, he did wake at the next day. He wanted to cry as he saw himself in a smooth bed, covered by a thin sheet and his forehead wet by fever. He wasn't along though, the brown haired boy was sitting there, his eyes fixed on Hansol as he seemed worried.

“Why did you do that?” Hansol whispered and he didn't had think that his voice would be that weak, that he would look that fragile and he just hated himself so much for failing even with that. He looked at him, finding sad eyes as he gazed at Byungjoo and he looked too damn human, though Hansol knew he was a vampire because of those fangs on his mouth.

“I won't let you die. Hansol, I can hear your thoughts and this is just fucking sick. You need help.” Byungjoo answered and he leaned closer, softly wetting Hansol's forehead with a humid cloth. “I won't let you die. I will save you”

Hansol didn't get better with time though, but he did fall in love with Byungjoo. Even if he would just see him at nights, he fell at the temptation of making love to him and after that he knew he wouldn't be able to go away. He was trapped to Byungjoo and even if he wasn't physically chained he felt like ropes were tying him to the vampire. One night he discovered that Byungjoo saved him because himself had did this, he had sought death when he just couldn't handle anymore.

He knew Byungjoo wouldn't let him fucking die, even though he wanted to. Byungjoo would lock him on his house if he needed to, but he wouldn't let him go. And when Hansol asked him that he didn't want to feel anything otherwise he would get mad Byungjoo could only agree, even though he tried to convince him that this wasn't the best solution. However, Byungjoo could hear his thoughts and he knew how Hansol should be suffering listening to all those voices in his head, most of them saying horrific things to him. It was in fact a miracle that he had managed to live till now.

When Hansol opens his eyes again, he isn't breathing. He remembers the night he almost died and he woke up at Byungjoo's bed, and it's just so similar when he looks at him and sees him gazing at him with a worried expression that soothes as soon as he wakes up. Everything is kinda too blurried and he can only see shapes, the light hurting his eyes. He bites his lips but he forgets he has two sharp fangs now and he ends up cutting his lower lip, the blood running from the wound that quickly closes. Nevertheless, he still can feel the taste and it only makes his throat hurt, raw and drought, like if he had sand in it. He feels incredibly thirsty and he glances at Byungjoo, his own hands going to his throat and scratching it as if he could stop the itch. Byungjoo held them, kissing his slender fingers and he looked at Hansol's eyes, seeing how red they were.

“I... I am so thirsty...” Hansol whispers low and it's a new emotion, it's like he has never felt so thirsty and hungry at his whole life, both sensations hitting him at once in a horrible feeling and his voice is hoarsy and croaky. Byungjoo only smirks softly and leans closer, pecking his lips and then gently helping him to get up. There's already someone laying on the floor and it's a young boy, he seems to be asleep since he doesn't moves as Byungjoo gets closer to him.

“I saw him trying to steal someone's wallet.” Byungjoo says and Hansol nods swiftly, his hands shaking a little though he has no heart and no emotions at all. He can't feel anything besides the blood thirst and he starts wondering if he still loves Byungjoo. “Drink from him, baby.” He adds and Hansol nods again, kneeling and holding the boy's chin, tilting his head to the side. Just the view of his white neck makes his eyes widen and he peers at Byungjoo, who motions with his head in a sign of 'carry on'. He leans, his teeth touching his skin and breaking it and he finally gets to feel the warm blood; it just tastes so good, way too better than everything he has ever tasted and he moans in pleasure as he swallows, drinking and sinking his fangs even more. “Sollie drink slowly, he's not going to run away.”

Hansol does listen to him and feels how the hot blood is quenching his thirst, making the pain go away, even though he knows this won't last forever. He drinks till the heart stops and moves away, looking at Byungjoo with red lips and he licks them, a neutral expression is the only thing he shows. His eyes are dark as they were but they show no emotion at all, not even love or hate, just... nothing.

And of course Byungjoo can see that, in fact he was already expecting for this to happen. However, he won't give up of Hansol. He knows that what died was his emotions, but his soul was still alive and he would build new emotions from now on. Thus, he smiles, taking Hansol's hand and swiping his finger under his mouth, cleaning a drop of blood that was laying there. He licks it and smirks again.

There's a tiny, faint smile on Hansol's lips, and he holds Byungjoo's icy hands.

“Thank you for saving me.”


First Time

Title: First Time
Pairing: Jenissi x Xero
Warnings: Yaoi, Sex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jenissi wants to know how making love feels like.

--

[First Time]


The wind was hitting their skin hard, making the blond man shiver and the other one wrapped his arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer and rubbing it. They both were wearing thick clothings, a wool scarf protecting their throat and gloves on their hands, but still they were holding hands. It was rare for them to have a free time since they were having promotions nowadays but as today was too damn cold they cancelled the fansign because they were worried with their fans and took the day off. No one actually cared where they were going and didn't ask why they would go off with such a weather.

They walked through the amusement park, it was late and they would close in a few minutes, but they still had time to play in the toys. Actually there was barely no one there because it was way too cold and then the two boys could have fun without wondering if someone would see it. Taeyang were holding Jiho's hands as they were on the roller coaster, and he loved how the sky was on that dark night, the world seemed so little when they were up there.

In those moments Jiho realized how much he loved Taeyang, how much he would do just to see that pretty smirk on his pretty face. Now they were walking to the exit, Taeyang resting his head on Jiho's shoulder and holding his hand, not caring about the look that the guard cast on him. They kept walking on silence, only enjoying each other's presence, deciding to go to a nerby park where they could be alone.

When they got there they found a empty place, near to the lake where they could see the frozen water shine with the moon. They sat side by side, Taeyang laid his head on Jiho's shoulder again and sighed, closing his eyes. They held their hands again, Jiho's free hand caressing the blond's hair, breathing the pure air from the trees. He loved to be there, they usually would go there because Jiho liked to be close to the nature, and Taeyang found that place peaceful, he could simply enjoy the other's presence.

“I really like your hair like that, Jenissi.” Jiho muttered, he liked how the color matched with Taeyang's features, with his white skin and his dark eyes, though he usually used blue lenses.

“Hm, do you? Maybe I should keep it for a while.” He answered in a low voice, but he knew it wasn't really his decision, it depended of what would be the new concept this time. He was playing with Jiho's hand, caressing his skin, drawing invisible circles with his thumb. “Thank you for today, I had fun.” Taeyang added, he simply felt like he needed to say that, maybe to assure himself that he was able to feel joy sometimes.

“No need to say thank you, hyung.” He said, his lips now kissing his hair, feeling the perfume of his shampoo and smirking because they both used the same brand. “Are you okay?” He knew Taeyang hated because he was worried with him but still he asked just to get a small nod in response. Taeyang stretched his back, gazing at Jiho's eyes. He smiled to him and today he was in a good mood, spending all day with his boyfriend, having fun at the amusement park. Jiho wished it wasn't that cold because he wanted to caress Taeyang's cheek and feel the softness of his skin, but he was glad that they were holding hands at least. Jiho's eyes looked around them just to check if there was someone there and Taeyang laughed softly with that.

“You silly, do you really think that someone would be here freezing besides us?” He teased just to get the other laughing with him, getting closer to him. Jiho loved to see him like that, he wished he was like this all the time...

“We must be crazy or just too irresponsible.” Jiho said and then cupped Taeyang's face, seeing him gaze at him with a needy look.

“Maybe both things.” Taeyang whispered, their foreheads were touching and still he was looking at Jiho's eyes. “You must be really mad to date me, Jiho-ah.”

“Sometimes you don't realize how wonderful you are, hyung.” He whispered back, a smirk dancing on his mouth. “Let me remind you.” Jiho moved closer, touching Taeyang's lips, gently pecking them. Taeyang held his hand tighter as he was the one who deepened the kiss, Jiho slightly furrowed his eyebrows but soon he smirked against their lips, feeling Taeyang's tongue against his. He still was afraid that someone could see them and that's why he had only pecked his lips, but Taeyang wanted him and so he did, answering to his touches. He softly panted as Taeyang broke the kiss only to kiss his cheek and his mouth again, laughing happily. Then he rested his head on his shoulder again, smiling to himself. Taeyang was feeling really happy today, having his boyfriend by his side, spending such a good time with him; not that he wouldn't be happy to be with the fans, but it made a time since he had a time alone with Xero and their date was simply perfect.
“Do you know how much I love you?” Jiho whispered to him as he was caressing his hair, his gaze was on the moon again and he was sure Jenissi's was too.

“You dummy, loving me like that...” Taeyang muttered, he always believed he wasn't worthy of Jiho's love and he couldn't hide that fact. A time ago he tried to hide himself from Jiho, pretending to be someone he wasn't, pretending that everything was alright. But of course it didn't work because Jiho knew him good as hell and he knew when he wasn't in a good day. They promised they would always be sincere with each other. It had been a year since their first kiss, but Jiho liked Taeyang since the first time he saw him. However, the other members didn't know they were dating, just the closest ones, like Byungjoo and Hansol because they were best friends. Taeyang wasn't jealous and he didn't care of Xero's skinship towards the members, and they never had a truly fight. Since Jiho didn't say anything because he knew it would be useless to convince Taeyang that he wasn't a fool for loving him, Jenissi only smirked with himself, nuzzling on his boyfriend's body. “I love you, Jiho. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do, Jenissi.” He said, kissing his hair again. “My sweet, silly boyfriend who keeps lowering himself.” The wind was rather violent now and Jiho started to worry with their health, so he gently pulled Taeyang's by his hand, making him get up. “Now let's go because I don't want to freeze as we confess our love to each other.” He played, making Jenissi laugh and then nod, wrapping his arm around his waist. He was feeling so needy today.

When they got to the dorms Taeyang smiled when he noticed someone was on his bed: Byungjoo. He knew that they were having a date and on those days he would simply change beds with Jenissi so he could stay on Xero's room. Sometimes the members liked to sleep with each other so they didn't think it was weird for Jenissi to sleep with Xero as well; and no one should actually think that they were boyfriends. Jenissi took a quick bath on his bathroom's dorm as Xero did the same, and then he went to the other's room, seeing that he already had nuzzled on the blankets, but he was sitting on the bed, checking his cellphone. He rose his look to Taeyang, smiling to see him there. Taeyang didn't say a thing, only entered silently because he didn't want to wake the other members and sat beside Xero, getting cozy on the blankets.

“Bjoo is on your bed, right?” Jiho whispered to him and he nodded, smiling softly. Jiho put his cellphone aside and then laid on the bed, pulling the blond one to do the same, involving his shoulders with his arm.

“Do you think they will wake?” Taeyang whispered back, gazing at the other members and Jiho denied with his head, and before he could say anything Taeyang kissed his lips, darting his tongue and deepening the kiss. Jiho panted with that, kissing him back, the lights were off and no one would see them. He loved how Taeyang tasted like mint tooth past and he could feel him holding his shirt, pulling it slightly as they were kissing.

Jiho didn't think twice before his lips were already on Taeyang's neck, his body was now above his, between Taeyang's legs. He nipped it smoothly, hearing Taeyang mewl really low with that, and Jiho kept teasing his neck, licking and sucking, being careful to not leave any visible mark. Taeyang was caressing his hair as that, suddenly pulling it so he could kiss him. He started rocking his hips against Jiho's, feeling his covered member against his, teasing him as he brushed his body against his. They were still kissing, as their tongue were dancing against each other, their breathing becoming faster as they were starting to get really hot with all that.

It was Taeyang the one who made the first move, letting his hand go right on the middle of Jiho's legs, starting to pull the hem of his pants. He couldn't see anything since the room was dark but he could bet that Jiho was looking at his eyes, his cheeks would be ruddy and his mouth slightly open as he let his hand go inside his pants, pulling his underwear down. He started to stroke Jiho's member, feeling it grow hard on his hands. With his free hand he pulled Jiho by his hair, kissing him, loving to hear his muffled moans as he teased him a bit.

Soon enough Jiho had slid his hand to Taeyang's pants, stroking his hard member slowly, making the other one purr. He wished that they had light so he could see the look on his face... Taeyang wrapped one hand against Jiho's neck, moaning really low on his ear as he was stroking him faster, Jiho following his pace and doing the same with him. “Damn, Jiho-ah... I'm gonna–” He moaned a little louder, his breathing was panting and they moved their hands faster, feeling the climax really close now.

“Oh, me too... Ah Taeyang, I–” Jiho whimpered as he tilted his head back, Taeyang's free hand scratching the back of his neck as he came, and kept stroking Jiho's member faster until he heard the other moaning dangerously loud as he came as well. They both were panting now and Jiho kissed Taeyang's lips, laughing with himself from what they had did. “This was dirty, you're a pervert.” He said playfully, hearing Taeyang laugh with that.

“It's not the first time we do that as our roommates are here.” He whispered to him and then nipped his lower lip just to peck it latter. “And you could have stopped me.”

Jiho grinned softly and then laid beside Taeyang, taking the tissue's box that he kept beside his bed to clean them both. “Oh, as if I could.” He said then, making sure that there were no trace of what they had done, or at least he tried since he had no light and he kinda didn't want to take his cellphone now. He laid beside Jenissi after finishing, pulling him closer so he would lay his head on his chest and kissed his hair, hugging him tight.

“Jiho, ah, you're kinda choking me.” Jenissi gasped, pushing him a little and then laughing low when the other released his grip, though he was still too close of him.

“Sorry.” He purred and then sighed, starting to caress Taeyang's hair in a tentative of letting him sleepy. “It's just that I loved everything about today... It was perfect.” Xero said in a low voice, feeling the other nod.

“Yeah, it was. I'm feeling happy.” Taeyang answered, and Jiho was glad that he was being able to avoid his depression's crisis. It made a whole month since Taeyang didn't have one and Jiho was doing his best to keep him like that, it was nice to see that it was working.

“I'm glad to hear this, baby.” Jiho whispered, kissing his hair and hugged him, moving a little away so Taeyang could get comfortable on bed. Jenissi had his face buried on his chest, hearing Xero's heartbeat, and he was actually getting really sleepy with his boyfriend petting his hair like that.

“Jiho...” Taeyang muttered, getting a 'yeah' as answer. “How is it? To make love?”

Xero was somehow surprised with the sudden question; it was true that they dated for over an year but they never made sex because Taeyang said once he didn't feel ready for it. Of course Jiho respected him, and he never asked him to do it, not wanting to force him. As boys they used to relief the sexual needing with hands like they did on that night but it was never something more than that. Jiho had told him that he already made sex with a boy once when he was younger, but he couldn't do it anymore beacuse once he got his eyes on Jenissi he was the only thing he could think about.

Jiho sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“Well, it feels like when we touch each other... But it's way too better you know?” Jiho didn't know exactly how to explain because he only had one experience, but he remembered that it was just too fucking good. “However I think it's better with the person you love... My first time was with a hot guy but I didn't like him as I wished.” He kissed his hair, rubbing his arms. “That's why you have to do it with someone you love.”

Jenissi kept quiet for a long while and Xero thought he had slept, but then he moved a bit, burying his face even more on his chest.

“I was waiting all this time because I wanted it to be with someone special.” Taeyang said with a low voice, almost too low for Jiho to hear. “Someone I wouldn't regret it, someone I love...” It was hard for him to say that, since he was shy though he knew he didn't need to be shy with his boyfriend. He had been thinking on this for a while, but only know he managed to say it to him. “Someone like you.”

“You don't need to rush anything, okay? If you feel like you're ready and you feel sure about it, then I'll be happy, but even if you don't I'll be happy as long as I'm by your side.” Jiho answered; actually he wanted to make love with him but he didn't want to force him or even press him to do anything.

“I am sure, Jiho... I want to make love with you.” He whispered and Jiho knew that he would be blushing by now, what was really cute. Jiho rubbed his back, kissing his hair and caressing his hair softly.

“Then we will make love.” Then he laughed smoothly to soothe the things. “But for now, let's sleep, we already had a lot of fun for today.” He added and Jenissi answered with a simple nod, followed by a “Good night, I love you” as they always used to say, through messages or personally when they were sleeping together. Jiho answered the same thing, kissing his hair one last time before falling asleep.

~~**~~

It already had been two weeks since Jiho was promoting on Japan and Taeyang felt like he couldn't bear it anymore. He knew that he would be there tomorrow at night and that they would have a room for them two since they got a hotel room, but still he couldn't cheer up. For almost a week Taeyang was hesitating about talking more than five minutes with Jiho on his calls because he didn't want him to think that he was vulnerable or that he couldn't live by his own, but it felt like Jiho was the adhesive tape a hose's hole, and now that he was gone the hole was open again, the water flowing through it. However, for Jenissi it was a depression crisis that meant all his feelings coming get him at once, devoring him by inside.

He couldn't handle with that anymore, he couldn't cry to relief himself and he was getting really stressed, to the point of isolating himself. Members were too noisy for him and all he wanted now was his beloved Jiho but he was on Japan with other Wizard's members. Taeyang wasn't at home either, he was on Busan because they would have a fansign there. He thought about calling Xero but he felt incredible unmotivated and stupid on doing this.

At the same moment that he was checking his cellphone screen he received a call and he read the “Jiho ♥”, making him smirk slightly though he hesitated for a few seconds before picking up.

“I thought we already had talked today.” Jenissi teased him, laughing low and trying to ignore the voice on his head who was saying to him listen to his feelings, to the empty that was eating his chest alive.

“But I miss you... Don't you miss me?” Jiho answered, using aegyo on him because he knew that it worked, it would always make him smile. “How are you baby?”

“I'm fin–” He started to say though Jiho interrupted him, mewling on the phone.

“Aww hyung you promised you wouldn't hide anything from me. Are you embarrassed about talking with me?” He purred and Taeyang felt he knew the truth because he took a few seconds before answering a simple 'I'm fine'. “You don't have to speak anything, though.” Xero started to say because Jenissi kept the silence for a long moment, because speaking was so hard when he was feeling like this. Everything seemed so vague and futile and his thoughts made him believe that he was bothering Jiho. “I'm coming tomorrow, I know it's hard but don't listen to your head, you're better than you thinks. Just remember that you have someone that loves you more than anything on the world, okay? Okay?”

Taeyang couldn't help but smile with that, even though it was hard to hold himself onto his words when everything seemed insignificant.

“Okay.” He muttered, laying on the bed. He gazed at the ceiling, sighing, feeling anxious for Xero to come back.

“And you're not weak about feeling like this, heard me? Now let's talk about random stuff so you can only think about how you love me when I'm rambling beside you.” Jiho said, making Taeyang laugh low. He would always do this, keep his mind distracted from himself so he wouldn't feel much depressed. Maybe he wasn't having a crisis and he was only feeling sad because his boyfriend wasn't with him; anyway Xero started to talk, telling about his day (though they already had spoke on that morning) and complaining about how he couldn't take the perfect selca. Talking with him made Jenissi feel better and he was sighing passionately when he hang up, after hearing his usual Saranghae.

The next day was extremely slowly because he didn't have anything to do, they were waiting for other members to come so they could go to the fansign on the other day. He called Jiho to wish him a safe travel and spent the rest of his day sleeping because he wanted the night to come, waking only with a calling from Jiho who was saying that he was about thirty minutes from there. Jenissi took a quick bath and put simple clothes, sitting on the bed of the hotel and turning the TV on.
When Jiho messaged him that he was already on the Hotel he opened the door because his boyfriend didn't have the key since he was coming today; his manager was solving the rest of the things as Xero climbed the stairs, going to Jenissi's room.

Taeyang's heart skipped a beat as he saw the black haired boy smiling to him, and it seemed like an eternity till he finally was stopped on front of him. Taeyang jumped on him, wrapping his arms around his neck and hugging him tight, feeling the other do the same with him.

“I missed you Jiho-ah.” Taeyang purred on the crook of his neck, not caring if someone was seeing this. They walked to inside of the room, still hugging each other, and Jiho kicked his suitcase in, closing the door after they entered.

“I missed you too hyung.” He answered and then moved a little away, cupping Taeyang's face with his hands. “Did you eat well as I was out?” Jenissi nodded and Xero smirked, planting a soft kiss on his lips. Taeyang darted his tongue, wanting to deep the kiss and Xero moved away, laughing. “Baby let me take a shower first, okay?” He said, kissing him again and hugging him one more time before taking his pajamas from his suitcase. Taeyang sighed and sat on the bed, turning the television on again. And once more it seemed like an eternity till Xero finished his bath and he could hear him drying his hair with the dryer. His own hair was still damp but he didn't dry it because he was too anxious to see his boyfriend.

After a half hour the bathroom's door was opened and Xero walked to the bed, smiling to him and sitting beside him. He held his hands, pulling him closer and then bite his cheek softly, kissing it. Taeyang laughed with that, slapping him playfully.

“What are you trying to do, rip my cheek from my face? Oh you're drooling me, you're gross.” He complained, pushing him just for Jiho held his hands again, trying to attack his cheek again. “Ughh Jiho stop it, what are you doing.”

“I missed your cute face, hyung you're so cute.” He said, using aegyo again, making the other laugh. Then he gazed at the television, still holding one of his hands. “Since when you like kid's programs?” Jiho mocked him, laughing.

“I wasn't watch– Hey I said stop biting!” Jenissi pouted when he felt the other biting his shoulder again, seeing Xero laugh and pull his head so he would laid it on his shoulder. Taeyang felt his boyfriend's fingers running through his hair, gently caressing it, making him close his eyes and sigh. Jiho was outlining his jaw with his fingers, going to his ear, softly rubbing his earlobe and playing with the earring he was using. He let his fingers slid to his chin, pulling it and making the blond look at him. A smooth smirk was dancing on their lips and he didn't hesitate anymore, leaning his head so he could kiss him as he wanted.

Taeyang furrowed his eyebrows slightly as Jiho deepened the kiss, darting his tongue to find the other's, letting it run through his mouth, feeling the soft taste of toothpaste; his fingers were now intertwined to Jenissi's, caressing the back of his hand with his thumb. They broke the kiss only to gaze at each other with a needy look, brushing their lips together once more, this time Jiho pushed Taeyang against the bed, staying between his legs and leaning to kiss him.

When they opened their eyes again Jiho smiled gently, cupping his boyfriend's face, his thumb softly caressing his cheek.

“You're so pretty Taeyang.” He spoke in a low voice, pecking his lips. “So pretty that I want to kiss every inch of that pretty skin of yours~” He whispered as he kissed his cheek, planting soft kisses all over his face, then going to his ear and nibbling his earlobe. Taeyang's fingers held his shirt as he let his tongue play with his ear, licking it and making a trail of kisses that ended on his neck. Taeyang's eyes fell shut as his lips were slightly parted, breathing heavily as Jiho took a piece of his skin between his teeth, biting it softly just to lick it after, peppering his neck with little sucks and kisses. He let his lips walk along his jaw line, seeing Taeyang tilt his head to the other side, giving him more space, and Jiho started to do the same he did with the other side of his neck, his fingers now going to his hair, gently petting it as his lips were caressing his white skin. Jiho could hear Taeyang's breath get quicker, his cheeks getting a light crimson tone as Jiho was swirling his tongue around his skin. He lifted his face, finding Taeyang's lips and kissing it, their mouth were slightly opened as they both were panting now. Jiho started to unbotton Taeyang's shirt as that, calming him down with his kisses, his fingers ghosting above his flat skin, seeing how he shivered with only that. His hands worked out finishing taking Taeyang's shirt, sliding it along his shoulders, though their eyes were still closed. He knew that his hyung didn't feel comfortable about showing his body because every time they had an intimate moment they would always have the lights turned off.

Jiho opened his eyes, smiling to his boyfriend and pecking his lips quickly, the tip of his fingers going up and down on his stomach.

“You embarrassed?” He asked, seeing the other nod with that, his cheeks were ruddy at this point, and he kissed it just to assure him that it was alright. “Don't be, your skin is better than mine... and look, you're skinny as I wanted to be, I am eating more than I should.” Jiho added, laughing low, even though he knew he wasn't and that Taeyang was more skinny than he should, but it wasn't the time to speak about eating problems.

“Stop lying Jiho, your body is way better tha–” Taeyang started to speak, but Jiho ended his words with his lips, kissing him.

“Shh don't say bullshits hyung.” He whispered, letting his lips go to his neck once more, sliding it along his skin. “You're beautiful.” Jiho kissed his shoulders, nibbling it as he went to his collarbones, licking it and kissing, tasting his soft skin. He felt Taeyang shiver against his body, his eyes slowly falling shut once more, his hand going to Jiho's hair, caressing it as Jiho let his tongue slid to his nipple, swirling around it, his fingers rubbing the other one. Taeyang tilted his head back, parting his lips as he let a shy moan escape, his eyes were now shut, focusing on the pleasure that his lover was already providing to him.

Jiho lifted his gaze, peering at his hyung who was blushing softly as his expression showed nothing but delight, and he sucked his nipple, making a wet sound. He slid his lips through his skin, peppering kisses along his stomach, seeing him shiver with that. Taeyang pulled him by his hair, missing his lips and kissed him, his hands pulling the hem of Jiho's shirt. Jiho noticed what he was trying to do and smirked, helping him to take his own shirt off, and threw it on the floor, leaning to kiss him again. Taeyang ran his hands along Jiho's stomach, feeling his muscles, smiling with that.

“Have you been working out?” He asked, it made a while since he had seen Jiho shirtless.

“Yeah, it's Byungjoo's fault... He started with this and dragged me with him.” Jiho answered, smiling and pecking his lover's lips.

As the other night, it was Taeyang who started with the real moves and let his hand slid down to between Jiho's legs, rubbing his covered member, finding that he was hard as himself was. Jiho let a small mewl escape when Jenissi did that and started to kiss his neck again, breathing out against his skin as his member was growing harder with that slights touches.

“Baby, do you want to...” He started to speak in a low voice, seeing the other nod in answer, since he seemed shy with that. Jiho understood what he was feeling and he wanted to give him a lovely first time.

His lips crawled along his skin, his hands pulling the hem of his pants, planting smooth kisses on his stomach as Taeyang moved his hips, helping him to take his own clothes. Now he was only wearing his underwear and he blushed, his eyes gazing at Jiho's, his lips were slightly parted, his eyebrows furrowed as he kissed him, panting softly against his mouth. Jiho's fingers were caressing his skin, slightly scratching his thighs, going really close to his member just to run away again; he alreadycould see the bulge on the cloth as himself was just like him. He started to pull his underwear down, seeing that Taeyang showed no resistance and finished it, throwing it on the floor.

It was the first time that Jiho was seeing his boyfriend fully naked and he could see how he was blushing with that, his hands unconsciously trying to hide himself but Jiho held his wrists, kissing them.

“You are really beautiful, hyung.” Jiho whispered, his lips going down to his stomach, nibbling it. “You are so, so beautiful.” He added, his fingers going to his member, gently caressing the velvety head, seeing how Taeyang's breath quickened with that. He dragged his lips to his thighs, feeling the soft flesh above them, slowly starting to move his hand, his mouth getting closer to his member.

Taeyang could feel Jiho's breath against his sensitive skin and he muffled a moan as he felt Jiho's tongue swirling around the tip, tilting his head back and burying his fingers on Jiho's hair, panting. Slowly Jiho let his member go down his mouth, starting to suck it as his tongue was still touching the tip, feeling the salty taste of precum. Taeyang's moans were his reward and he kept doing that, stroking what he couldn't take with his mouth, making him become a moaning mess.

“God, Jiho... Oh...” Taeyang pulled his hair softly and Jiho understood what he was trying to say, moving away from his member though his hand was still stroking him, holding Taeyang's hand with his other one, watching how his expression was nothing but pure desire and lust, his lips swollen from their kisses, his cheeks ruddy and his hair messy. Jiho went faster till he felt Taeyang coming on his hand, milking him to the last drop. Taeyang sighed after it, breathing heavily as he kissed him , but not feeling tired yet. He wanted to go to the end and that's why he was already pulling Jiho's pants, wanting to please him as well. Once Jiho was only with his underwear Taeyang started to kiss his neck, rocking his hips against his, softly sucking his skin but not leaving a mark, hearing him pant with that. “Take it off.” Taeyang whispered to him, more like an order than a request, and Jiho only nodded, doing what he asked.

Taeyang gazed at his naked body, both of them staying on their knees as Taeyang kissed him again, his fingers ghosting along the skin of his abdomen. He let his hand go down, firmly holding Jiho's member, seeing him mewl with that. He started to stroke him, feeling Jiho's lips on his ear as he was moaning, and Taeyang let his mouth go to his neck, his hands going faster.

“Ahh hyung this feels good...” He purred on his ear, feeling his member getting harder at every second. However, he didn't want to cum, not yet, so he held his wrist, making him stop, and gazed at his eyes. “Baby, do you want to...”

“Yes.” He said, seeming to be suddenly embarrassed and Jiho kissed him, nodding shortly. He helped him lay on the bed, starting to tease his neck again, his hand going to his member and stroking it, making it get hard again. Then he moved away, darting his tongue and pushing it against his parted lips, sucking his tongue and getting a muffled moan with that.

Xero gazed at Jenissi, seeing how pretty he was, how his forehead was slightly covered by sweet and his eyebrows were furrowed in pleasure, his mouth still wet and his neck softly red from his teasing. He might have left a hickey here or there, but it wouldn't be a problem to hide cause they could always use makeup. Jenissi glanced at him too, getting shy as he saw that he was looking at him, at his body.

“You are perfect.” Jiho spoke, his fingers gently caressing his face and then he pulled him for a kiss, smirking. “Just a second.” He added, raising up and going to his backpack, holding a little bottle on his hands.

Taeyang recognized that within a moment, blushing more deeply than ever. Jiho planted soft kisses on his knees as he slowly spread his legs, his eyes were always on Taeyang's eyes as he didn't want to let him embarrassed. He opened the bottle with his free hand, taking a good amount and spreading along his entrance, seeing how Taeyang lost his breath for a second with that. He didn't want him to feel uncomfortable but he wouldn't ask him twice, cause he seemed to be determinated to do it. And even though he seemed shy now he still had a layer of lust on his face, like he really wanted to make love with his boyfriend.

So Jiho pushed one finger against the tight ring of muscles, gazing at Taeyang's expressions. He was blushed and his eyes were closed as he was panting, thinking how weird that was; but he knew it would get better soon, so he just stood still, feeling Jiho's finger twirling around his body. Jiho kissed him as he pushed another finger, this time gaining a whimper from Taeyang, and he slowly started to stroke him, trying to stretch him. He could actually feel the tension on Taeyang's muscles and he kissed his cheek, moving his fingers inside him. “Relax, baby.” He whispered, seeing the other nod swiftly as he kept preparing him, his lips now crawling along the skin of his neck. As he felt the other was streched enough he moved his fingers off him, lubricating his own member as he peered at Taeyang's eyes. “If you want to stop it, just say it okay?”

“Okay.” Taeyang whispered, involving Jiho's neck with his hands as he bit his lips, taking a deep breath as he felt Jiho positioning his member on his entrance, his heart beaten really fast. Jiho took one of his hands, intertwining their fingers as he slowly pushed himself, feeling the warmth and tighteness of Taeyang's body greet him. A croaky moan escaped from Taeyang's throat, he tilted his head back as he felt the other's member buried on him, and he held Jiho's hand tight, panting.

“It hurts?” Jiho asked, feeling worried as his boyfriend seemed to be in pain. “We can stop, I don't want to hurt you...”

“It hurts but... oh... I don't want to stop...” Jenissi managed to say between his gasps, his body trying to get used to Jiho's size. “You can move...”

Jiho gave him a suspicious look before nodding, rocking his hips against his body, getting out just to get in again, being really careful cause he didn't want to hurt him. Taeyang seemed to feel pain yet and he started to stroke his member, trying to distract him – what worked cause now Taeyang was moaning from the touching Jiho was giving to him. He leaned his head enough to kiss him as he started to thrust faster, sucking his tongue lewdly as they were both panting.
The pain was only a slight factor now and Taeyang actually felt pleasure on feeling Jiho's dick deeply buried on his ass, his inner walls smashing him as he kept pounding on him, trying to keep kiss him as they were both moaning, he had stopped stroking him because he didn't want him to come, not yet.

“Jiho... this feels good...” He purred, tilting his head to the other side just to feel Jiho's lips attacking the skin of his neck, going up and nibbling to his ear.

“You feels so good... You are perfect baby...” Xero moaned on his ear, making him get even hotter. “Fuck, Taeyang~~” He breathed out and Jenissi got even more lustful with that word since Jiho didn't use to speak like that with him.

“Go faster, please... I'm close...” Taeyang mewled, his eyes closed and he pulled Jiho by his hair, sharing a sloppy kiss, and then Jiho hit a point that made him see nothing but a white sparkle. “God, Jiho, right there!~” He begged him as he felt his throat raw from being that vocal, his fingers softly scratching the back of his neck.

Jiho did what he asked, trying to focus on that special spot, going faster and deeper as he started to stroke his member again, keeping the same rhythm than his thrusts. Himself felt like he was really close and even though he wanted that to last forever he wanted to reach the orgasm with his lover, to fill him.

It didn't take long till Taeyang came, spilling his seed along their bodies, moaning Jiho's name louder, his toes curling up on pleasure as he tilted his head back, having the best orgasm of his life. When Xero told him that making love was good he couldn't imagine that it was that good and he felt like he was dying, like he could explode on pleasure. His entrance clenched with that, pressing Jiho's member really hard and he couldn't help but come as well, bending his head back as he moaned, his body quivering with that.

He was still panting as he moved away, laying beside Taeyang and just trying to recover his breath. Nevertheless, he held Taeyang's fingers, closing his eyes and sighing, a soft smirk on his lips as he still couldn't believe on what they've done. Xero didn't know if he had give Taeyang the best first time ever but he had tried, trying to show him his love the best he could. He pulled him closer, involving his shoulder with his arms, and grabbed his chin, kissing his swollen lips.

“I love you so much... Please never forget that...” Jiho whispered against his mouth, his thumb caressing his cheek as he felt how hot his skin was.

“I love you Jiho...” He whispered back, smiling as a naughty kid as he remembered of what they had done. He had imagined his first time several times but he never thought it would be so perfect as this. He tried to move but he ended up whimpering low; even though Jiho had being careful with him he was a little bit sore and tired, nothing that a good night of sleep wouldn't solve. “And I'm sorry for not being good enough for you.” Taeyang added because he was afraid he wasn't worthy of Jiho, as if he couldn't sexually satisfy him.

“What did I tell you about hearing the thoughts of your head, you dummy?” Jiho answered in a incredibly smooth, sweet voice, and he pecked his lips. “You know that you are more than good for me... and that you're perfect and beautiful and just by looking at you I want to have a second round.”

Taeyang laughed, hitting him playfully and sighed. He wanted to argue him that he couldn't believe on these things, that he would never actually agree with him that he was pretty and worthy, but he didn't want to ruin their moment, so he nodded, hiding his face on the crook of his neck. Xero was gently caressing his hair, making him sleepy.

And before he could fall asleep, he whispered an 'I love you' and a 'you're perfect' just to let him know it. Maybe someday Jiho could make him believe on all those things.

Last Kiss

Title: Last Kiss
Pairing: 2dragon (Sehyuk x Sangdo)
Rating: PG
Summary: Sehyuk loses his breath forever.
Notes: So yeah, this is my first 2dragon oneshot, I hope you liked~~ I’m sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first tongue.

--

[Last Kiss]


The whiteness of the room was making his eyes burn and he couldn't handle anymore with the ceaseless beep; it made about a month since he was laying on that uncomfortable bed, covered by those thin sheets and watching the same channel on Tv because he didn't had the remote. Sehyuk never cared about being presentable since he would only see the doctors and nurses day after day, but today he combed his hair, taking a long bath and spraying his favorite cologne on his skin, even putting some make up on.

His stomach stung with a known anxiety and he tried to calm himself, taking several breaths as he laid on the bed again, stretching his arm so the nurse could put the IV back and connect him to those machines, making the beep start once more.

"You look beautiful, Mr. Park." The nurse said with a coy smirk as she stung the needle on his arm, and Sehyuk lift his gaze from the serum in his vein to her, smiling back. He didn't speak anything, though; the expression on his face alone was enough to tell everyone that he was in a good mood today.

She left the room, letting him alone, and Sehyuk glanced at the window, seeing that a soft rain started to fall, the drops running along the glass. He liked how the weather would always be nice after a raining day and that's why he liked so much, though lately the only feeling that he had was the endless cold. He asked himself how would be when he dies, if he would feel the cozy warmth of the sun or if it would be the deadly cold that happily embraced him. He wanted to feel warm and safe again, he wanted to feel something instead of that annoying pain and the constant tiredness.

Nevertheless, his heart speed up when he heard the door opening, his eyes jumping from the window to there. And it hurt.

It hurt to see how the years didn't affect him at anything, how he still had a shiny black hair and gentle eyes, the most pretty lips of all Earth and a gorgeous skin; how he smiled when he saw him, though Sehyuk could easily see the sadness on his smirk. The door was closed and they were left alone.

"Sehyuk." He breathed out, and Sehyuk could see how his hair was smoothly peppered by raindrops. He looked so damn pretty, his skin was slightly tanned and he still had the prettiest smile ever.

"Sangdo. Come sit here." He answered with a shy smile on his lips, and it didn't take too long till the man had sit on a chair, his hands already finding Sehyuk's and holding it, feeling how icy it was. It hurt Sangdo to see how Sehyuk was, but still he knew that he didn't like of people pitying him, so he didn't say anything about how he hated to see him like this, to meet him like this.

"I missed you so fucking much." Sangdo whispered, his voice was just sore and regretted and Sehyuk gently squeezed his hand, placing his other one above it, rubbing it, silently saying that 'it was alright'. "I wished I didn't have left..."

"You did the right thing. We never thought this was going to happen."

Sehyuk still could remember of how excited Sangdo became when he got a scholarship to France and of course Sehyuk insisted that he should go and not waist this opportunity. Yes, they wouldn't see each other for four years, but at least they could talk through internet and telephone. When Sangdo left he had only twenty and now he was almost on his twenty three. He still had a youthful face and a perfect skin, though, unlike Sehyuk who was used to now have dark circles under his eyes and being underweight.

He felt smooth fingers on his face, caressing his cheek with his thumb as if he couldn't believe that this was real and not a nightmare. Sehyuk closed his eyes as he felt Sangdo's hand cupping his face, feeling the warm touch against his always cold skin, and he could swear he heard a gasp escape through the other man's lips.

"I am so sorry, I–" He started speaking on that same hurtful voice and Sehyuk opened his eyes, gazing at him. The sorrow was so evident on his face and Sangdo was an open book that Sehyuk easily could read – his favorite book.

"Smile for me." Sehyuk said because he didn't want to see him like that, he loved him far too much for this. A single tear ran along Sangdo's cheek and Sehyuk feel his heart sting, he hated to see him cry. "Please, Sangdo." He added with a croaky voice and all the strength he was doing to keep himself away from breaking down went away because the only thing he wanted now was to mourn for his fate on Sangdo's arms.

However, Sangdo did as he asked, smiling and making his whole body warm up. He didn't had lost his beauty, he still had an eye smile as he liked even though Sehyuk could see the pain on his face. It hurt him as well.

"You could have called me before." Sangdo muttered as he was holding his hand, his fingers gently caressing his smooth skin and he was gazing at Sehyuk's eyes, noticing how dim they had become.

"It wouldn't make much different... you wouldn't stop this from happening." Sehyuk answered and the same sad smirk was plastered to his lips.

Sangdo lost his words for a second and gasped, lowering his face and touching his forehead on Sehyuk's hand; the older boy thought he was going to break down right on that moment, however he managed to take a deep breath and lift his head, glancing at him.

"I just wanted to spend some time with you... before... the..."

"We have time right now." Sehyuk answered and sit straight, his fingers going to Sangdo's hair, combing his threads. "So please, darling, let's talk."

It was true that they had been talking everyday and Sangdo always shared with him about all the stuff that was happening to his life, but seeing him tell him about his trip was even more exciting now that they were face to face. Sehyuk noticed how he missed him so damn much, he noticed how he missed his smile, the way his lips slightly bowed every time he stop talking to hear Sehyuk's comment, the way that he didn't let his hand go for a second, always caressing his hair or his face at any opportunity he had. He loved the way his eyes sparkled when he was talking about his university and how he blushed when Sehyuk asked him to speak in French for him.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Hmm..." Sehyuk bit his lips, thinking, and Sangdo smiled because he always thought that this was so cute, and Sehyuk laughed softly. "Say 'I miss you'."

"Tu me manques." He said shyly; he got used to speak in French on French but he really felt shy talking on front of not native people.

"And 'You are beautiful'?"

"Tu es beau."

"And 'I love you'?"

Sangdo glanced at him, peering at his side just to check if they were truly alone, and for the first time he let his hand go, moving closer to him and cupping his face. His eyes were at Sehyuk's and Sehyuk didn't dare to break their gaze, his eyebrows slightly arching as Sangdo started caressing his cheeks with his thumb.

"Je t'adore." He said and Sehyuk never thought that French could be that sexy, he couldn't notice that Sangdo had a strong accent and for him those words were simply perfect, he could hear him speaking for hours even though he wouldn't understand anything. Sangdo touched Sehyuk's forehead with his, and their eyes closed as they were anxiously breathing, their heart beating fast and the beep sound couldn't hide the fact that Sehyuk was excited with having Sangdo so close. "Je t'aime" He whispered and he lifted Sehyuk's chin, pressing his lips against his.

They were as smooth as before, maybe a little too cold, but still Sangdo loved touching them again after about three years. He had missed him just so much and he darted his tongue when Sehyuk parted his lips, deepening the kiss.

Sehyuk still tasted as mint tooth paste and that was just adorable.

In a few seconds they were panting against each other's lips, and even though Sehyuk had been controlling himself he couldn't handle with anymore.

He couldn't handle with the fact that he was going to die.

Then, before he could even notice, he had threw himself on Sangdo's body, hiding his face on the crook of his neck, feeling his delicious perfume, his fingers clenching around the curls of his hair as he was silently sobbing, shedding no tears. "Tu me manques." Sehyuk whispered as he let a smooth kiss on his neck, still hugging him tight. "Tu es beau. Je t'aime."

Hearing Sehyuk trying to speak French made him hold him close and kiss his hair. "God, Sehyuk. I love you so much." He breathed out in answer and moved a little away so he could gaze at his face. He smiled softly and pecked his lips again, his eyes jumping to the watch as the nurse had said that they would only have one hour.

And now there was only five minutes to say goodbye.

"Sangdo." He called him, making him gaze at him again. "Everything will be alright. I promise." Sehyuk sighed and smiled, truly happy to see Sangdo one last time. "Maybe... maybe tomorrow's surgery will work out... and we will be together again..." He said, though all the doctors said that this was a very risk surgery and he needed to do it cause he would die either way. "And if it doesn't works... we will meet on our next life."

"Don't speak like this." Sangdo muttered and peered at him, his eyes were watered and Sehyuk simply couldn't see him cry. "I will wait for you, okay? So please... just be alright."

Sehyuk smiled faintly and nodded.

"I will. I love you, Sangdo." He said and Sangdo pulled him for a last kiss, kissing him tenderly and eagerly, his eyes closing as they kissed, feeling his tongue against Sehyuk's, his fingers that were weakly holding his jacket. A knock on the door made them break the kiss and Sangdo's cheeks were wet by his tears. Sehyuk smiled gently and wiped them away, placing a smooth kiss over them. "Now you go, Sangdo, and take care with the rain. I don't want you to be sick."

Sangdo nodded and whispered a last 'I love you' before walking away, seeing Sehyuk's face, watching how perfect he was and how tired he seemed to be. He really didn't want to leave but the nurse was already asking him to move out of the room so he smiled one last time to Sehyuk before going away.

And with that Sangdo leaves the room, loosing his breath for a few seconds.

And a day later, Sehyuk loses his breath forever.